I dont believe that there's a thing called super true friendship where u never lie, never hurt each other, never make anyone cry, never this n never that. pure perfection. i dont believe it exist. if u do and u r experiencing it..by all means..CONGRATULATIONS! cos u might be the ONLY one who enjoy that gift.

I have had a good share of friendships since I ever started understanding words, actions and feelings. And to tell you the truth, I'm gifted with a handful of wonderful true friends. By wonderful, i dont mean perfection. and by true, i dont mean tear-less. I have 3 wonderful bestfriends. And to get to this stage wasnt an easy ride either. Ah la..u know kids...will definitely have misunderstanding here and there..arh..those normal stuff. I went through that phase with Aze and Ita. By all means I never regreted any of it cos it just strenghten our friendship even more! As for Eeleng, it was a bit different cos I met her while in uni. By then I was a lil more matured, so there wasnt any major misunderstanding and what not.

I'm 23 now. I consider maself kindda somewhat an adult la kan. Yer la..I'm already earning ma own moneh, have ma own place to live in, a car, a guy.. Kalu masih ingat a small kid melampau la tuh :P. As an adult, you gotta act and think as one too, am I right?

What dissappoint me is that, my general perception that my friends who are averagely around my age will be somewhat with the same maturity as I am. How i am so wrong about that.

Past are meant to be in the past. If you dwell with it too much, you'll never be able to move on. If i had kept tight to all the small lil misunderstandings i had with all my friends..ill never be good friends with anyone right now. You forgive and forget..but at the same time learn from it and escape from repeating the same mistake again.

Running away from viewing the bad/ugly side of yourself is not that healthy either. Yeah when we look into the mirror..we want to look our best. We wanna look at angles that's flattering. But that doesnt mean u should just throw away the attn needed by the ugly side of yourself. You still gotta look at it. What can you do about that scar on your left cheek? cover up or proper medication? If u just ignore it..it might just get worst. it might even be permanent! It's the same with us. None of us are perfect, so if you know you have weaknesses, work on improving it. not RUN AWAY from it. that is NEVER a solution, my friend.

I happened to get tangled in a ..what I call a no-title-misunderstanding. I had a small Raya gathering and I invited some friends over. My bestfriend from Penang came all the way just to join this yearly occasion. Everything was goin well. I was freakingly tired from the preparation ofcourse, but it was all worth it. Until I realised the next day that a friend who attended wasnt happy with me because I happened to not inform him that his ex will be in presence of my gathering. I thought since all my friends have GROWN UP and are ADULTS...no such misunderstandings will occur. How i was wrong.

Fine, maybe it was my mistake to have not informed. Then again it wasnt on purpose. If u have had prepared/organized a gathering on your own..with ur 2 bare hands..with very minimal help, u will know that the priority at the end of the day is to prepare for the food n such.
Actually, I did make a list a few days before, but I just never thought that inviting the exes will cause such commotion. His ex seems fine and moved on and totally fine with his presence. But that wasnt the case for him.

When you can't handle a situation you are in, pause and think, what went wrong. Do not just place blames on other ppl. It was you who couldn't handle the situation. It was you who felt uncomfortable for God knows what ever reason. You do not need to throw judgement and accusation on other people. You would rather throw away a friendship due to your ego and own weakness of self-control? Too bad for you.

What I'm trying to say here is that, never take forgranted of your friends..especially when they are your bestest friends! Sometimes you don;'t think before you speak with em just bcos u think ull never lose them and they will be ok with it. People have feelings. Just because they've been sticking with you the whole time, doesnt mean they will tomorrow. Friendships are like plants. You have to water em, feed em..get em enough sun...then they will grow. Don't expect to have a healthy plant by just watering it once every 3 months and go around telling "i have a rare plant at home". It doesnt work that way.

So is there such thing as true friendship. I think so. But it's up to you to define it. You can either be a liar to live in a "true friendship" or accept the reality in a true friendship. Your call, mate

It's Syawal 1st. Happy Eidilfitri everyone~! Maaf zahir dan batin. :)

p.s- realized there are quite a no. of comments from my prev post. will talk about that in the next post. tunggguuuuu...~!

I visited a friend in Pantai hosp during lunch time just now with Denn. We chit chat for a while, and suddenly the topic i fear most came up; working life in TM.

I came to realise that reason why there are so many internal probs and wrong perception on TM is because of the employees themselves. We complain we are underpaid. We compare the treatment we get with the competitors. We do not want to work overtime cos we don't get paid OT. We do not want to this we do not what to that. We kept asking what the company doesnt give us enough. Why arent we asking what we can give to the company?

MONEY!

That wraps it up. We are so-called underpaid. we execs dont enjoy OT despite working till late at night and during the weekends. Majority of the employees are not working for the good sake of the company and its business..but just for individual needs...money. I know you'll be like "what the hell are you talking about aina??? u r underpaid urself. n u complain that too!" . well yeah! but if we only complain and do nothing about it, will the situation ever change??

It has to start somewhere. If you start believing that you can make a difference by being less self-centred and think more towards the benefits of the company with your work...and if everyone in TM starts thinking that way...wouldnt things be different?

I've been working with McGirvan Media agency for weeks now. And i sincerely solute them. When they say "yes ill deliver it tomorrow", they keep to their words. and the quality of the work is still top notch despite the tight dateline! ofcourse behind the scene there will be cursing from the staff for late notice n this and that...but it is the outcome that matters at the end of the day.

We complain we dont get to stay in 5-star hotels when we travel for work. But are you working to the level of a 5 star-employee? Exactly! Instead you look at the clock every 10mins to see what time you cna go back. And when it's only 5.15, you are already packing and waiting in front the elevator to go back. Question yourself back. Put money aside! Cos money comes with attitude. and it starts from you yourself. Dont expect others to change and improve if you refuse to.

So work for money or work for career? Your pick. You not only decide your future, but the rest too..!


Peace

Ramadhan is finally back.
Tomorrow, 15th Sept will be 1 year since I started working in TM! Gosh...how fast time flies.

I also finally got transfered to Brand, Advertising and Media, Group Marketing department after such a long wait. Although I was supposed to be in A&P, last minute they placed me in Brand instead since the AM and Manager left. Loads of work, but I'll eventually get the hang of it. :) 1st week was tough ..esp to adjust to the environment which the opposite of Global Business.

Anyways, how do you define fasting? Starve yourself from eating from 5.50am - 7.15pm and then feast till you can walk no more? Or a month of awesome food all round Malaysia? or a month where you go for extra prayers at night? Or the month where you can make excuses to skip work or classes cos u r lack of energy?

Through my observation, this is how the culture is now. No one really cares the real reasons to fasting. All they think about is, starve, then eat, then after a month...celebrate for a whole month while earning/giving money at the same time! What kind of culture is this?

Ramadhan is such a wholly month. it's the month where you get to gather with everyone to pray tarawih together. Not something u can do in other months! only once a year. It's a month of get-together for me. you starve urself not just from food, but from doing things u r not supposed to. in a way to train u to be better.

So how do you live your Ramadhan?

For the newbies to my blog, FYI..I write this blog not to impress or please anyone. I write what comes across my mind into words..thats all. I dont really care if anyone reads it. It's just a canvas that I paint..that happens to be online and be viewed by the public. So if you read, and you happen to not like it, many apologies from my side. Cos as sincere as the writings are, I wrote it for the most simple reason of all; thoughts into writing. :)

To those who appreciates it, thank you from the bottom of my heart. At least I know my thoughts are not just that voice that plays only in my head. ;)

Cheers

I had a pretty awesome weekend! :D

Aze slept over last fri. Fetched her from work, and was trying to be smart with the roads that I end up going dunno where from Old Klang Road to KJ..and it took me more than an hour to reach home! Hahaha. Which I didnt really mind cos she was accompanying me. ;)

Anyways, would say it was one of the best sleepovers. Had those typical girl thingy...put on mask and watch DVD till 2am! Hahahaha. Ofcourse before that had an amazing dinner in Alamanda and watched the 5mins-fireworks. Blergh..was so hyped up about it..tgk2 its not the competition day. just display. no wonder Putrajaya wasnt so jam..

Went shopping on Sat. Aze claimed that she never shopped that much in 1 day before. oh well..welcome babeh! hahahahaha. Who ever who goes out shopping with me WILL shop a lot. :P ok..thats an early warning to the rest :P heehhe

I was pretty sad to drop her off that night. I mean..I only get to c her once a year man! :( Aze..go study cepat2..grad cepat2 and come back quick!!!! :P

Last night was pretty fun too. Fasted till got all dehydrated :P But bukak posa with Shana at a Thai restaurant in OU..which was like..gosh..SEDAP GILA! hahahaha. the green curry...oh my. so niceeeee. and then enjoyed chocolate brownies with ice cream from DELIcious :D nyammmm.
Even with that short trip I managed to persuade shana to buy something from Zara! Hahahahaha!

Oh well..so that was it. Nothing I could complain about the weekend. :)

Since Im the only who hasnt seen this super cute baby face to face, ma family members kept sending me pics of him so I dont feel so left out..

He is so cute!! he so looks like ma bro when he was a baby. :D

Aih...I cant wait to go back and see him!!! :D


In the arms of his beloved grandma..



soo comel..



sape la dressed him up in a super big baju.. :P

I'm an aunty! On 22nd August 2007, my sister in law gave birth to a small, cute baby boy in Penang. We havent finalised the name yet, but most probably will be Mohd Zhafran B. Mohd Nizam. :D SOOOO COMELLL!!! geramnya tgk.. :P hehehe

It's sad to drive down the Federal Highway every morning, and only able to spot 1 or 2 flags waved on a car from thousands of cars!

Ppl question, what's so big deal about waving flags? I paid my taxes! I show ma patriotism that way! True. You are married. You wear your ring. You pay for home groceries every month. You are definitely showing your commitment in the relationship from that. So, why do you send flowers and cards and gifts on special occasions?

Paying taxes and keeping the town clean is not so much of a way to show ur appreciation to the country. It's your responsibility! Paying taxes is for your own future comfort. Keeping your town clean is also the same. When you go to dirty public toilet, how do you judge the condition? Dirty? Clean? You make the difference. If EACH and everyone take responsibility of their own doing, then the toilet wouldnt be freakingly dirty, now would it?

Anyways, put the toilet issue aside. What I'm trying to say is that, what's so difficult to wave a RM3 worth of flag on your car (or is it cheaper?) It's the SIMPLEST way to show how much you appreciate the effort the past soldiers and everyone else did to give independence to our country. Just imagine if they hadn't done that. Seriously. Take a pause and just think. Will you be enjoying what you do now? Will you even have the freedom u do now? How would our country be?

I'm proud to say, I'm more than proud to have my flag waved on my Perdana V6. I'm proud to be Malaysian. There's A LOT of rooms for improvements with the way our country works, but I'm proud of the accomplishment so far. Nothing is perfect in life. Even we at times (or maybe most of the time) can't manage our lives well. Imagine managing the country. There will always be someone to point out your mistakes.

Why buy flags and wave just for 1 occasion when you can spend that money elsewhere? Ok..let me ask you, why buy flowers that cost you hundreds of ringgit for a short-term affection, and it will just die within days? same reasons, right?

So just think of it. It's the simplest way of saying "thank you". and it's just once a year. :)

HAPPY 50TH MERDEKA MALAYSIA!

Lately, the trend is to get married at early 20s. When I first came to TM, I was surprised with the fact that most young adults I work with are married. I was stunned when I found out ma 2 colleagues, Kak Rowe and Kak Hani who looks like ma age has 2 - 3 kids in hands already!

Anyways, after 9 months in working life, I just came to realize that, at the end of the day, we women are the ones at the losing end. No no..hear me out.

Guys age like wine. The older they get, the 'better' their quality is. What about women? The opposite, aight? So for guys who marry young, the chances that they will leave their woman sooner or later when they 'age' is high. All because they think they r maturing, more established financially and everything else. So it is time for em to 'start' their 'life'. What do they need at that moment? Young, hot woman! (or women) Just look at the trend now. 40 - 60 year old men marrying 20+ women. Love or security?

So women who marry young majority, most probably will just end up left behind. At the end of the day, they turned old, be a single mother who has to carry loads of responsibility on her shoulders for her kids, her career and herself. Where as the guys get new, younger women, a sports car, and enjoy life as they wish. The thing is... its not that these guys r not loyal. Ask em. They will answer that they just want 'the best!' (of everything?)

So should women marry OLDER guys while they are young, and end up being 'single' later on with loads of cash in their pocket when they are old? Or marry young dude at young age and risk of ending up 'single' later on with loads of kids in their hands instead..oh n with limited cash??


p.s- ofcourse this doesnt apply to EVERYONE. but trust no one. not even urself.


peace

Monday was ok. Cos it was ma birthday. It went pretty well actually. Got up on the right side of the bed. Got loads of wishes. Had lunch at secret recipe with Denn and Izzati. Even though sick of their food already, but the company was nice. They even got the secret recipe manager to sing me a birthday song with a cake! Gosh! That was embarrassing :P Got presents from Izzati and Jack. Shafiq picked me up early. Got a new lappy. Had dinner at TGI Fridays. Gifted with a standing-teddy-cake from Shafiq's mom. Great great day!

But yesterday started to look a lil cloudy. Today's worst. With betty around, things don't get any better. I'm still stuck at ma old dept. Still havent received any letter from HR about ma transfer. It's so frustrating!!!!!

Aihh......
Hoping for a better tomorrow..

Nothing interesting happened this weekend. Planned to get my new notebook, but canceled it last minute since PC Fair is just a week away. But I had an awesome time playing bowling with 'Mr Smith', "Maggi Q', 'Victoria Beckham', and 'Tony Leong'!! Hahahahahhaa.

Aini stayed over this weekend too. N that says home-cook-food-babeh!!! I hardly cook when im alone anyways. But had awesome bbg at omar's last nite. As mommy would say; i was a cinderella since i left at 12am. :P

It's raining outside, since morning. Great weather to just laze around at home on the sofa watching tv and blogging! :D

Hope this week is a better one.

Happy Sunday ppl!

Cheers! :)

Can you believe that??? Last Sunday, Eeleng, Madi and myself indulge ourselves with awesome late lunch from 'delicious'; Ms Read in Bangsar Village 2.

Madi had:

1 Seriously DELIcious Cheeseburger(yes the name is like that :P)
1 Cappuccino
1/3 brownie with walnut; ice cream topping with awesome chocolate syrup on top! (shared among 3 of us)
TOTAL: RM 0.06!!!!!

I had:

1 Beef lasagna
1 Ice orange tea
1/3 brownie with walnut; ice cream topping with awesome chocolate syrup on top! (shared among 3 of us)
TOTAL: RM 4.00!!!


How amazing is that??? So what are you waiting for??? Go go !! Feast yourself with these awesome food from DELIcious in Bangsar Village 2. You will not regret it!! :D





p.s- oops...did I mention that Eeleng paid the balance of the bill; RM 100? :P :P

To be honest, I dunno what to write!! Hahahaha. But I feel like writing. How's that? It's a mix emotion. The week has been real crazy and hectic. At da same time I enjoyed it. How? I DONT KNOW!! Hahahahhaa.

Em..yeah. That's about it :P

I just came to realise that we humans don't really know how to say thank you and MEAN it. Nothing is ever enough. We go on searching till the very roots and at times even the roots are never enough. Why do we search for sthing we can't have?

Why is the career you love is not good enough to support your life? Why is the man who sincerely love you for who you are is not perfect enough for you? Why is nothing ever good enough??

Aren't all these just games in our heads? Why do we go for branded imported items than the local branded items? Why does everyone complain and do nothing about it?? Why Malaysians do great stuff and still end up not recognized?? Why do we question God when He told us not to? Why do we think everything and anything is possible within our tiny mind? Why do we break rules when we clearly know it's wrong? Why do we hurt ppl when we don't wanna be hurt? Why do we preach what we don't believe? Why do we ask when we refuse to answer?

Why do we do this? Ask yourself.

NO! It's not laziness! I haven't been blogging cos everytime I wanna blog, the lappy/pc will not be with me! :P :P ITS TRUE!!! Hmm...good excuse to get a PDA :P

Anyways, last week, I took 3 days leave cos ma parents came to stay with me in KJ. It was ma mom's first time in 2 and half years since she ever left Penang, and her first time to step into ma house. :D It took me a whole night and half a morning to clean and keep ma house neat for her, but the first thing she said when she sat at the dining chair was, "y so messy?" ... :| i guess ma neatness n tidiness doesn't live up to her standard :P

But what ever it is, I had a superbbb time with them! Even though we didnt go shopping in IKEA as ma dad promised, but the company at home was just awesome! My best moment was when it rainned damn heavily on Friday evening, that made all of us gather at da living hall, and look out at the beautiful yet stormy rain :D (cos Astro service got interrupted u c cos of the rain :P)

After 4 days, they left. And me? I cried that night! Hahahahahhaa! Cos I felt so lonely!!! The house felt so empty :P

Anyways, goin back home tomorrow night, I cant wait!!! :D

Love your family peeps!

Cheers!

If i can write and appreciate efforts from ma friends, i think it's just fair for my sis to receive the recognition too.

For the past 2 weeks, I was on MC for a week, an leave on 2 days. I couldn't drive nor eat properly cos of ma right hand (read prev posts). So ma kind lil sis stayed at ma place for 2 weeks to take care of me. From dishes to ironing to medicine to driving. She will send me off to work in the morn (since Denn wasnt around), and then head off to Gombak for class and later fetch me back at 5.30pm. How great is that??

I have to admit, because she was ma sis, i took a lil forgranted of her :P. Sometimes ill be too lazy to even get up to get a glass of water. But i know ill get one by just doing ma baby voice. :D Hehehe. Sorry babe!!!

But the weeks was awesome. It couldnt end in a better way. We ended it with a trip to Langkawi for vacation and it was really fun! :D

So from the bottom of ma heart, thank you ma lil sister who is ma awesome angel guardian. :) HUGS!

I think it is time for us Malaysians, specifically Malays to revamp our mentality!

I know ma friends out there are so gonna laugh at me for discussing this topic, but ey..try to see the point im tryin to point out ok!

I watch AF this year. Yes yes..SURPRISE! *rolling eyes* Anyways, for 6 weeks, the first 2 positions were dominated by 2 students; aizat and dafi..who are both out now. Aizat could sing most genres. Dafi's skilss are pretty limited but his advantage was his look. But what happened? why are they both out when everyone predicted that they will definitely be in the finals?? What was Malaysians thinking? Were they voting based on vocals or personality or family background?

After reading Utusan newspaper just now, I came to know that both of them are from so-called-wealthy family, simply cos their fathers are both "Datuk"s. What's the big deal? Seriously. I dont understand why community judge Datuk's family members as if they are spoilt and dont deserve to win sthing on their own just because their family can afford that for them. Ey, hello...open ur eyes and mind pls! The datuk here is the father, not them! Give them a chance to work their way up on their own! And by the way for u numb nuts out there, Datuk-ship doesnt come with a RM1million cheque; just if u were wondering.

I think its time that we Malaysians revamp the way we think. Stop judging ppl based on their background. So what if they come from a wealthy family or not. As the Muslims say it, "if memang rezeki, tak lari ke mana". If God had planned that for u, dont worry, it yours, as long as u work hard and dont give up! Nothing comes easily. Those datuks..do you think they got that title one shiny day and it just fell from the sky? No! Everything is hard work.

And to those of you who are freakingly spoilt and just happen to be 'VIP's kids..cut it out! You are ruining the good name of others too.

And Malaysians...lets think of quality.

Cheers!

After 3 visit to the clinic, and 2 visits to da hospital specialist from Pantai and Subang Med Centre..baru la dapat mengesan what the heck is wrong with ma right hand.

Tennis elbow, or lateral epicondylitis, is the most common injury in patients seeking medical attention with the complaint of elbow pain. Exactly what causes tennis elbow is unknown, but it is thought to be due to small tears of the tendons that attach the muscles of the forearm to the arm bone at the elbow joint.

The muscle group involved, the wrist extensors, function to cock the wrist back. Specifically, the extensor carpi radialis brevis, has been implicated in causing the symptoms of tennis elbow.

Thats what I have. Ma hand still hurts..but it was said to continue hurting just for the next 5 days. If continues, then I should go back to the doc lah. Kena inject!!! Damn sakit! Blue black terus :P

So jaga la ur hands properly. Things can happen anytime, anywhere.

Im in pain right now and i should so avoid typing..but i just have to write this one.

I was taken care of by an angel yesterday. Who would think, this crazy friend of mine that I just knew for the past 7 months would take care of me like I'm family?? Those who have given me that kindda treatment consist of ma family members n very very close friends only. So i guess Izzati..u fall into that category :)

She HATES doing dishes..like me la. Tp yesterday, she not only COOKED dinner for me; which by the way was SUPERB..i tambah 5 kali tuh!!!..she even did the dishes!! no wait..thats not all, she even ironed ma office attire this morning! letak ubat n bandage ma wrist semua.

so from the bottom of ma heart..thank u very much izzati!

n for those who judge her, u guys seriously kena get to know her. what an amazing friend she is! :)

I have no idea what happened to ma right wrist!!!!!

Yesterday itself it started hurting d..but I thought it was nothing. Today it hurt even more, and by the time I wanted to start work, I couldnt turn ma wrist anymore.
Damn it...

Went to the clinic..the doc bandaged ma wrist..gave me some medication...n we r hoping it will just get well soon.

Its not getting any better so far. I still cant turn ma wrist. I cant even feed ma food well...how the hell to drive???

Thank God denn around in the office...guess ill just tumpang him back..n hopefully i can drive ma car that ill be leaving overnight here lah.. :( huhuhu

Old news..i went to Sarawak last week..for the very first timmeeee! But i went on work purposes, so i didnt get to explore much except shopping at water front n short visits to the cat statues around Kuching.

First thing I said after 5mins drive in the cab after landing in Kuching.."Apesal nampak macam Subang je??" Hahahahahahhaahaa!!

I didnt really see the whole beauty ppl been talking about Kuching..cos seriously it looked like any other tows in Semenanjung that ive been to. But one thing that made it different..the PEOPLE.

I was there for 3 days..and I enjoyed all the conversations I had with the Sarawakians there. It doesnt matter la if they r TM employees, or the bellboy..or the shop keeper or cab driver..they r seriously very friendly! They welcome you and treat you like you are a friend. :) I was so comfortable with this girl from a souvenir shop that I decided to buy most of the souvenirs from her! :D

I would definetely go to Sarawak again..but maybe not Kuching town area..rural a lil so I can appreciate and experience the beauty and nature in Sarawak that has been its specialty for ever!

Everyday is a learning process. If you don't believe that, sit down in a quiet place, calm yourself down, then think of the days that has passed. It's nearly 7pm, and I'm still in the office, waiting for Shafiq to fetch me back. I'm done with my TM work, my freelance work, so I have the time to think and write ma blog la :D hehe

Yesterday, I had another emotional roller coaster. I don't wanna elaborate on it but all I can think of is that I'm glad I handled it pretty well and managed to find solution to it.

Rule no. 1, do not just complain with no actions to support it. If you pour your broken heart to someone for DAYS pun..and you dont do anything to mend it besides that, it will still be broken and you will feel like shit even longer than you should.
That's just an example la of course.

Like today, I attended a 2 hour meeting. Pok pek pok pek..this and that..at the end of the day, it was just a plain discussion of complains..no solution! Why? cos no focus!

So focus on your life. Everyday is a learning process. Just because today is a lousy day..and u feel like its the end of your life, tomorrow might be a bright sunny day instead. Of course you can't just sit and wait for good things to fall into your laps. Work it!

I'm glad I took the risk to ma solution yesterday. I'm glad the other party is co-operative. I'm very glad that God at the end of the day, calm me down. :)

I laugh thinking of how lousy i treated myself and my close friends just because I couldnt control ma emotion when it got out of hand for a while. It was stupid! Who else can control you if not yourself? Don't let others control you! You are the owner of yourself!

I learn today that I'm stronger than I think I am. I learn that I learn from the past. And I learn that, it is ok to be stupid at times, as long as you learn why u it happened and not to repeat it. :)

What have you learned today?

Arhhh! I hate it when ma emotion is beyond ma control! How is that even possible weih?? If im not controlling it..then who is??

I realized ma biggest weakness ever!!! All this while I thought I'm not it..but I guess I am after all. I trust ppl too easily! As an advertiser, I among all should know better that you can never trust words per say. But I dunno why I do! Not on advertisings, but word of mouth. Not just from any mouth, but from friends. Even if I doubt your words, at the end of the day I might just accept it. WHY??? I am either that or I can be the total opposite; what ever comes out of your mouth are questioned. Especially when it involves feelings. What is wrong with me???

Hopefully I think I'm all that plainly cos I'm emotional right now..huhuhu. :(

First impression people have on me (from what they say of course) is 'sombong'. Haha...I cant blame em for feeling that way actually. :P I'm the least friendly person u've ever met! If u dont approach me, most probably u wont hear it from me. But then again, to clear the air, it's not cos im sombong or think highly about myself. It's plainly because im SHY! (stop laughing!!!!) Even though its embarrassing to admit it, but it's true!

Anyways, other than that, ppl usually paint the picture that i'm an independent, a leader, strong and opinionated girl. Ermm...i won't deny totally. I do consider myself independent at times, but I can also be very dependent, and I find that as a weakness. I have an obsession to get things right, that's why at the end of the day i end up being the leader :P Erm..strong? Verbally maybe. Hahahahaha! Oh i'm full of theories and metaphors so i agree that im opinionated.

But what your might not know is that, i can be the most pampered and spoilt girl ever..EVER! hahahahaha! I will say i'm ma dad's favourite, it's pretty obvious and ma mom agrees. :P Ma sis calls him 'papa or abah' ma bro calls him 'papa'. i call him 'dadddddyyyyyy!" You get what i mean now dont u? ;)


Ma colleagues might not agree with this, but some ppl actually find me VERY funny. Ask ma sis and her friends. I hate bimbos..but imitating em often had turned me into 1 too at times! Shafiq and Aini would totally agree to that :P

To most people, Im the innocent, naive girl. To ma sis im a pervert! Hahahahahahhaaha!

So i guess it's not so much about split personality. It's just how you are with who you are comfortable with.
Even though my sister is younger than me, she calls me 'baby' cos im manja. She holds ma hand when we shop. But in the office, ma colleague Izzati actually calls me 'mummy'!

I think the only one who sees all side of me will be Shafiq. :)

So it's ok to have many characters, as long as all of it is YOU and not anyone else. :)

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh.......finally...finally!!!! I can finally call ma house a home! :D

The sofa i ordered a week ago finally reached 2 days ago. GORGEOUS! Got it for a pretty good deal, and it looks double the price i paid! :D

Went to IKEA last night to shop for some floor lamp, drawers and such to beautify ma home :)

Hoh...i just love ma place so much!! Can't wait to get the frames of beautiful photographs shot by shafiq up on the wall :D

Hohoho, i never thought that one day I will have difficulties translating "legend" in Malay!!

Today I was asked to translate a short paragraph from English to Malay. And then I realized, me...the best BM student in high school had lost the language skill i once proud of! Ma mind is so rusty! It took me more than 15mins to translate..and I wasn't even that confident about the result cos i knew i could do better.

Lack of practice. Lately been writing and communicating most of the time in English..ini la jadinya. :P Jangan lupa jati diri sudah :P hehehehe

So if you want me to translate Malay to English..buzz me anytime. But if English to Malay..emm..dont worry..I'll get ma mom's (who is a superb bm teacher) help
hehehehe

Hasty wind…
United fate with time
To decide the ending
Of this forbidden journey

Parch petals on the ground
Dehydrated well left unattended

Feelings changed
In a blink of an eye...

Anticipated
Expected
But was this what we wanted?

The knight I once knew
Turned out to be just another fighter…
Nothing special…
At least not anymore
Turned out to be
Just another battle

My admiration flew away
My faith ran away
Our journey have changed
Different ships
Different routes

If only I could still see
The old shadow that accompanied me
Left me smiling
At the window…
In my heart…
Even in my dreams

The old you
That I knew
Vanished in the thin new air

Not you
That I wish
It is your shadow
That I miss...

(Written by Anonymous)

Today i had lunch in Mid Valley with ma awesome bestfriend Eeleng. First time driving to MidV alone...n freaking lazy to park..so i spent 8bucks for jockey parking instead :P what a brat!

Anyways, it has been quite some time since the last time i met her. Miss ya babe!!!
Being the talkative gals that we are, we didnt give a minute of break to fill each other with what has been happening with each other's life.

Ma point of writing this blog was that...since today is V-day (yes Muslims do not celebrate it)..love is so filling the air n all...i just wanna share some insights this thing call love. (hahaha i sounded like an expert la pulak :P)

Love. Infatuation. Crush. Everything is related to this thing called FEELINGS. Feelings can be helpful and a bitch too at the same time. Trust me..i know! When you are not able to control your feelings..it might just lead u to trouble. But if you take ur intuition as a sign to avoid from doin something stupid, feelings will be considered as helpful. If you know how to express your feelings right, you might just brighten another soul's day.

My dearest friend just got out of a relationship a few months back. Not surprisingly, she's still not over it. Wanna know why? There were no proper closure. By saying so, closure is not a figure of speech of "I think our relationship has come to an end." or "I think its better we stay friends." or "I've found someone else. Im sorry".
No. Those statements are NOT closure to a relationship.

Always consider the POST-breakup. Cos that's the hardest part. I came to realize that, after breaking up, the only way to move on and get that CLOSURE is to know if what u were feeling at that moment of post breakup is being felt by ur ex too. Am i right? Just stop and think. When you breakup with someone, wether it was just a crush thing...or a 4 months relationship..or 4 years relationship...u will always think.. "Does he/she misses me?" "how is he/she feeling about it"

All you've got to know to move on was that. For eg....I know ma dear friend will be able to move on stronger if she knew what her ex were thinking or feeling about the whole thing, wether its the same as hers or not. In that way, she will know for sure if there's hope for them to re-unite, or turn friends or permanent break off where they hate each other. It sucks u know..after a break up..missing someone else. But it will hurt less if u know he/she is actually feeling the same way..hurting or suffering the same as u r. if he/she is not also, u will still be able to move on easily as ull know for sure what u meant to them.

So my suggestions to the couples who just ended their relationship, it is ok to tell ur partner that u do think of her/him even after u decided to end it. By saying so, this has to come from the party who DECIDED to end it, not the victim. Trust me, it will help them move on ;) If you think you dont have the guts to tell that yourself, get someone to do it for you. OR..there's this phrase "action speaks louder than words"? :P Keep it mild.

(however, do not LIE just to make them feel better. I dunno if it that works for u, but i would totally not appreciate that la. take note of that future heart breakers! :p)

Good luck!

You are The Wheel of Fortune

Good fortune and happiness but sometimes a species of
intoxication with success

The Wheel of Fortune is all about big things, luck, change, fortune. Almost always good fortune. You are lucky in all things that you do and happy with the things that come to you. Be careful that success does not go to your head however. Sometimes luck can change.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

Do you realize that? I was sitting in Winter Warmers for lunch with ma sis, and then it hit me that, language is sexist! Being a student of English language and Literature her self, she admits that it's very true.

Ok. I may know little about this, and my example might seem shallow, but bare with me as i have a point to make. :p

Have you noticed that many labels ends with 'man'? Example, fireman..policeman? Maybe long time ago, no women were them, but the generations have changed. Why cant the language evolve too? Ma sis said that most of them now prefer to address it as "fire fighter" or "police officers" to generic the title.

Another good example, "bitch", "slut" and many many more. Why are curses revolve around women? "Mother f....". Why?? Why cant it be "Father f..."? Why are there no terms for guys as bitches or sluts? Is it because it is ok for them to do what so ever they want, but if women do it they are being labeled such way? Come on...thats just not fair!

We are in a very modern age now. We either should DROP all the name calling or equalized it by creating specific ones for guys too! hahahahaha

Ive been wanting to write something on ma blog for dayssss! But i never get to decide on 1 specific topic as there are so many things in ma head.
But after reading on "Student conned of RM 4800" in The Star, I finally decided to write on it.

1st rule in life. There is NO such thing as EASY money. You have to WORK to earn money. Yeah yeah you smarty pants! If you are gonna throw the "I get moneh easily from ma parents..no hard work what so ever" in ma face, keep in mind your parents are the one who has to WORK HARD to earn that for u. Bottom line, it doesn't come easily. And if it does, there must be a catch somewhere.

Vanessa Lee was conned by a legitimate corporation from Macao, saying that she won RM160,000 just by answering a question through a phone call she received days before that. The trick? Pay 3% of the amount, supposedly said as a rule by the bank, before she can receive her prize. Convinced by a friend from Macao who confirmed that it is a legitimate corporation and that her name is indeed mentioned on the corporation's website as a winner, she finally paid em that, just to find out later on that she has to sign up as a member, which cost RM 60k or they will forfeit the prize!

See...told you. There's no such thing as easy or free money in life.

My rule towards business; the best business is to start with 0 modal. Thinking I'm crazy? Maybe you should start reading more :P

And I'm never persuaded or convinced by people who starts a conversation on business with "you will get this much of $$$!" Business is not just about the revenue u get. Its also about the passion, and the hard work..the product, the process and what not! Yes at the end of the day, you want to be earning out of it. But if you only concentrate on that issue, you will never enjoy the process or appreciate it and you will fall HARD if your business fails.

So to you people out there who get calls or emails or what not about such thing..like "my very rich father passed away and he told me to donate my money to a Malaysian" kindda thing..or "answer a question and you might just enjoy shopping in DKNY with RM 60,000 worth of prize!" crap...pls use ur common sense before you jump off your seat excitedly.

And if you were to start a business, get 2nd, 3rd and 4th opinions from people who have experienced business world. Dont ask your potential boss ofcourse. Ask others, neutral people. No buyers. So you will know what you will face later on. Dont be blinded by the $$$, but see it in a big picture.

Good luck!

Cheers!

Gentleman is defined as a man of refinement. Those men i had lunch with were no where near there!!!

We arrived at our lunch table for 13 heads in Hilton PJ after more than 30mins of waiting for the guys. Dah la tak punctual!! The 'best' part, was when everyone who was sitted trying to decide who should go get their food first.

"Ladies first.." says the guys..

Tp before we gals could even get our asses off the chair..we turned and look at the other end of the table..n the guys were all GONE! So-called gentlemen!!!!

But the super best part of the lunch trip was the 2 SUPER-COOL-'AUNTIES'!!!! actually..they r not aunties la...older than me by 6 years je :P hehehe
But these 2 babes are the coolest chickas ever man!!! Even though they are married...they r just..so cool lah! You gotta hang around with em..then u'll know what i mean. :D loud, noisy, friendly, makan banyak, smart, everything la..all in 1! :D U guys r the best la Nurul & Aisha!

Thanx ladies! Had a super great time..not just cos the food was awesome..but u guys were too!! :D

I have an unbearable weakness. I cant look and watch my beloved ones or friends in trouble or in pain or sad. But, I don't know how to help! People say that, sometimes the company is more than enough. How far is that true?

I think I inherited this from ma dad. He is a guy that LOVES to help others. I guess that's y God loves him so much. I think he holds on to the concept where what goes around comes around. When you help someone, God will help you too. :) I'll be more than lucky if I inherited at least 1/10 of that lovely character of his.

But due to human nature, most people take advantage/for granted of others if that person is kind and understanding towards em. Isn't it true? I maself have came across people who treated me such way when I'm a little nice to them. Y? Please...appreciate the extra attention you get from someone. Do not take ppl for granted. You are lucky you know to get that special treatment!

Anyways, writing this blog cos one of ma dear friend is a lil tensed up with his work. I do hope that you are aware that there's solution around the corner, its just a matter of approaching it at the right time with the right support and luck. :)

Every dark cloud has a silver lining. Believe in yourself ;)

Today, I received a call from my lecturer/associate dean from MMU. "Your interview is on the 16th of February. Are you still interested?"

Sometimes it's hard when you have options to pick from in life. When I first came to TM, I didn't have many choices. I was placed in Sales in Kedah. But since I made early preparation and moved to KL, I worked ma ass off to get placement here in KL during ma 1st 3 days as a working adult. Finally got a placement in Global Business, Product Marketing, in TM HQ..in Menara TM.

It's ma 4th month here now. I'm finally..slowly getting the grip about ma work. I'm even gonna take tuition classes with ma boss starting next month ..every friday after work..just so I can get better understanding and learn faster. Surprisingly, even though most of the time I'm considered a fast learner, I'm not in Global Business. I'm doing numbers and accounts..and queries..and the worst..BILLING! I'm not interested in ANY!


The call I received today seems to be God's answer to ma prayers, of hoping to be able to work with sthing Im good at and have passion in. But, it means leaving TM. Can i do that?

People who knows me well will know I'll pick formal dinner against party. I can be considered quite formal. I enjoy dressing up in white collar to work. But ofcourse that doesnt mean Ive forgotten ma faided jeans and my should-get-a-new-pair-of-shoe-already Converse shoe. :P

I love the working environment here. Despite the fact that im doin sthing i didnt learn for the past 4 years, or even anything Im interested with...i find it challenging, in a good way. Because, I believe that behind every cloud, there's a silver lining. Im learning about the other perspective of a business organization that others dont see. Its difficult ofcourse, but its a learning process. I'm not saying I love it. But, I think I can go through it. I take it as a challenge to prove to maself that I can not only survive doing what i dont enjoy doing, but be really good with it. And the potential for me to rise up is higher here.

But at the same time, I would love to be doing sthing im good at, and have deep passion in. Branding. MMU can offer me that. I can teach and pass my knowledge about sthing I love to the next generation. But..where else can I go after becoming a lecturer? Ass. dean? Dean? Then? I feel like ..its a secured job for someone who just love it the way it is. I dont want to see my days as a routine..

But, there are so many things to consider to make this decision...too many that it aches ma head and heart to think. What should I do? Should I leave TM and be a tutor in MMU or stay on in TM and work in a field I dont enjoy in.

I have 3 weeks to decide the choice of ma life...

I always had this thing for metaphor and such. But it never crossed ma mind that a book..or specifically the book you hold and read tells your character!

Ma boss said that she assumed that I am from a wealthy background based on the book I brought and read on ma first day here in TM. When she told me that..i was like "WHAT???" Yeah i know what you are wondering..what could the book be? It wasn't like I was reading "How to manage your overloaded money". I was reading on branding! A branding book..with a super twisted cover which might lead you to think it's somewhat a SCARY storybook! :P

Then it lead me to wonder even deeper into this. It's actually true you know. You are what you read. It shows your character. It actually builds your character too! If you research those gossipers, i bet you will find LOTSSS of tabloids on their book shelf. :P Walk into any CEO office, and just browse through the books on his shelf. You will know what made him what he is.

So, last night before I shut ma eyes to bed..I was just thinking about my case. Every month i spend moneh on CLEO, Herworld, Female, Businessweek, Hot, F1 magazine, The Edge, T3. Ma books are dominated by 'design genre'. I have a handful on Islam, and some on psychology.

So what am I?

Im in office..I'm bored ..and lost..even though in reality i have work to do. :P

Since ive got nothing better to do or think or what not right now...lets discuss new year's resolution! hehehehehe. stupid i know..but i mean..come on..its our so-called-culture isnt it? :p

aaiight..my new year's resolution is.. (in the 'selamat-pagi-cikgu-primary-school-wish-tone')..

1. GAIN weight!! 3kgs in total..hehe. yeah yeah i bet u r screaming at ur pc screen since u cant scream at me. eh hello! its not easy for me to gain ok!!!

2. CUT DOWN on shopping, UNNECESSARILY.

3. DEFINE UNNECESSARY :p

4. go back HOME (penang) more often

5. take bus instead of flights :P

6. RM 10k in ma ASN by end of the year (logic ke? :p)

7. Be nicer (im not nice enuff ke?) and lose the 'MEANIE' title

8. Especially to GUYS! :p

9. use the credit cards only for EMERGENCY

10. DEFINE EMERGENCY :p


:D

You know...sometimes when we see a guy..tough..n he looks like he can carry a building with just one finger, always manage to blend in with any type of community, laugh out loud at jokes on himself..we forget that behind those so called macho characters, he has a lil boy inside him. We over-looked the fact that he has feelings..just like us gals..n sometimes get sensitive about things..

Hands down, I can be sucky with identifying if ive offended a guy friend or not with what i say or do. Its different with gals. There are rules to what u can tease em about n such. But with guys, we usually assume that we can say anything cos they r 'cool'! But we forget that just like us gals, they are not just a bunch of blocks...they also come in different shapes n sizes.

So where should the limit be? Would love to get your opinion ;)

Cheers!

Its so shameful to see how so many of us now a days have forgotten their roots. It's even much more shameful to know that there's that torn among ma roses friends!

I believe that we humans are all the same. Forget the skin colour cos at this age of time, we have dark chinese, fair malays n indians..mix here mix there. No certainty between religion and race either. There are muslim chinese, christian indians n so on. But one certainty is the culture. And thats the beauty we earn for being a specific race. The best part is we get to share it with other races too...just like Malaysians does.

So y are there ppl who still doesnt know how to appreciate their own culture. Instead, they are ashame of it!! What a waste!! I was watching a new TV show on 8tv yesterday, Trippin' hosted by Reena. Its so interesting to see em learning about Mah Mari(did i get that right?). Its an art of wood carving. Im not sure where it is really cos I only saw the last part, but its just an hour drive away from KL. But guess what?? No Malaysians have written anything about it. The only book about Mah Mari was written by a German!

I was shocked..and surprised..and ashamed..n even angry yesterday after being told about a friend..who looks down on her own culture! What is wrong with wearing baju kurung?? Does it mean u r backdated or conservative or as malay would put it, 'kuno'?? She said that she doesnt want to work in a malay company because she doesnt want to be a TYPICAL MALAY who works from 8-5 and wears BAJU KURUNG everyday! What the....???? Its an insult to even label TYPICAL MALAYS as that..

First of all....YOU are the one with the backdated mind, missy. Your mind is so shallow and u r judging others based on such a long- gone- culture in Malaysia. No one here works from 8-5 everyday! You should come here and see it for urself! There are ppl who work till 9-10pm at night..and who sacrifices their weekends too and sometimes even public hols!

It comes back to the individual. It is YOU yourself that create ur work culture. Not others. You can work in a malay or chinese or global company...and u r what u r. So dont blame the BAJU KURUNG..or the TYPICAL MALAY attitude to make excuses. It is YOU.

So my advice to everyone out there, appreciate what and who u r. Thats what makes you YOU. Just because u grew up or studied in overseas, doesnt mean u r someone else. If you are a Malay girl..u will be till u die. So dont be a copy-cat and or a fake! Learn to learn about your own culture..love your language. If you can learn western's why cant you learn your own?

Do not forget your roots. You are a lost soul without ur roots

Peace

After Aidiladha's celebration...ive been thinking a lot about the meaning behind the word 'sacrifice'. It's so subjective and in a way..it makes me think..what have i sacrificed so far..and what im about to in the future.

Since I was lil...ive always LOVEDDD fashion...im still very much in love with it. That is y i dont mind spending hundreds of bucks on just a working pants. It's not just about the brand..but the quality it carries with it. I wont buy 300bucks worth of khakis from CK that looks like it can be found in Padini for just 79bucks. Ma mom always reminds me that..what ever u buy..make sure it looks the price u paid for it if not more. So obviously..im more than willing to sacrifice ma MONEH for ma image.

But what most ..or should i say all of u..dont know is that..ive always wanted to be a fashion designer. :)

When i was younger..i had a notebook where ill sketch my clothing line. Im not sure if the notebook is still around..but yeah..i had that magical book. Ofcourse it looked like a 7 year old art work..but it was full of passion. Even till today..i still have that passion in me. I love modern fashion sense but with a touch of english taste here n there. Unfortunately, i had to sacrifice that dream..cos of ma religion. I admit im not the best muslim uve ever met, not the most conservative one..or the best dressed muslim...but i try to stay in line with at least the basic rules and understanding of Islam.

I'm not saying as a muslim u cant be a fashion designer. ofcourse u can. the beauty of islam is that it doesnt stop u from doin things u wanna do..as long as u follow the guidelines God has provided. however, due to influences of our world culture..im into ..how do i put it..emm..more modern, less conservative..GLOBAL outfits..where it can be 'physical'. hahahahahhaa..er..yeah. :D still blur? ok..halter necks..shorts..low waist pants. :P

To the none muslims that are wondering y its againts Islam..reasons y are because..when u create sthing that's wrong in islam..eventho its not for urself..it is still wrong..n thats not just it...u will also later on have to carry the burden of the sins of those who wears/uses ur creations. Eg. drugs. Im not taking em..but im selling em. Its still wrong cos u r encouraging it.

Anyways, im settling down with the fact that those type of outfits are just for ma knowledge. hehehehe. But ma interest in fashion remains the same. It hasnt minimized or anything. Im still very updated with whats new n whats not. (though im not so much a trend follower...if its the flower season..i wont wear flowers :P i dont like to blend with the crowds)

So..thats one of ma very very small unknown (or now known :p) sacrifice. :D But i believe with every sacrifices, comes opportunities. Ive learn to fall in love with branding and advertising..a field im good in and definitly will be able to work with.


Never be afraid to sacrifice..cos ull never know what's awaiting u

HAPPY NEW YEAR~~~~~~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So..what's so great about 'new year' celebration? This year in Malaysia, we dont have official/formal new year celebration to respect the Aidiladha celebratrion and also the victims of the flood incidents in South Malaysia.

For me, personally, new year is just another year..any other year..the differences are in the number and yourself. 2006..to 2007..just add another digit at the end. That is all. The most important thing is youself. Everyday can be a new year if you learn from mistakes and past experience and change to be better. The whole 'enter into a new no. of year -officially' is just a culture of life. It will remain the same..n no changes if you urself dont do anything about it.

New year..new life. You start another phase of your life. But, y are ppl 'celebrating' it by getting drunk and over-partying till at some point they r not themselves? It's just so sad how ppl define 'new year celebration' so shallowly. You make new year's resolution n such...but u start ur new year in such manner.
Think about it...

I think the best way is to thank God first! Cos He gave us a chance to live another year. Next is to be with your loved ones :)

Happy New Year!

Today...i was being accused for being a dumb-footie-fan by a colleague of mine. Let me paste what he said..

"And to all of u out there............heres something u don wanna miss. i really hate it when there some other gals, who pretend that they know about footie, but the fact is they dont! they just know the popular team, the hensem player, and some more they dont even got a clue about football. ask them it they know the praise "man from behind", "offside","professional fouls". they'll say "we dont need to know that". BUT i do have to know, then u'll understand why some people love different team.

a guy writing this blog called bitchingblog..........how men bitch about thing, he said:

there are 3 group of gal fans.........

1. One who know what footie is, what goes around, what they really doin. this type of chick is the one footie lovers will fall in love with. cause they know how to compare between ronaldinho and christiano ronaldo!

2. One who know the image of footie, these are the chicks who know where is beckham now, where christiano ronaldo from, where henry from, what jersey they are wearing, cause they all cute. but they no shit about reall footie.

3. one who know footie cause they always hanging aroud with their frenz at hartamas square, where when people start cheering, they followed! this chick knows shit! some more even worst, they support the team their bf supported. they got no clue!

so aina.........where do fall in? 1?.........2, most probably.....3 is definitely not cause u r still single aite? but 1...............NO WAY! dont pretend like you know all this stuff. my advice......just observe!
"

Let me make it clear for all u peeps who thinks u have u the freedom to judge which category i fall into.

I WAS a fanatic fan of Man Utd. Ma plain n very spacious room wall was covered in Man Utd's posters n such. I would wake up early in the morning to watch footie..hidingly cos ma dad would scream at me when he catches me. I would argue in class with ma classmates about football matches. I mixed well with guys esp the Man Utd fans cos we have things in common to talk about. N by saying that, our discussion topics doesnt cover Beckham's new hairstyle (I do..but with gals la :p) or gossips on their love life.

Came to MMU..still a fan. I remembered during world cup..4 years ago..I transfered to UIA for while..n ma block's foodcourt was shared with guys. the tv is at gals side..but when it comes to football matches..the guys would just come in n watch.. n ill b the only gal there. crazy! (in uia land :p)

I admit now im not that updated about football anymore as ma priorities move to elsewhere. However, im still updated about matches n the results when i miss the matches. I mite not know the new players thats in man utd anymore..but i just love their games no matter what. n ma loyalty stays with em. I wont bitch about other teams if they played well and deserve compliments. Cos for me..at the end of the day..i watch footie cos of the beauty of the game

ronaldinho vs christiano ronaldo?
ronaldinho is a superb player! he never dissappoint me..n i envy the fact that he stayed on in barcelona even when he got offered for real. ronaldo? perasan bagus..n belum ape2 dah announce that he's leaving man utd for real madrid when in fact man utd wasnt goin to release him. bodo! a performer more than a footie. a man utd player i dont favour. however im not denying he can be pretty good with the ball.

and in football..theres no such thing as "we dont need to know that". its a non-stop-- question arena! "why???" "what??" "who??" "when??"...am i rite?

so..which category do i fall into?

there r more to football than the 'jerseys'

I finally feel like an assistant manager. Attended training till 4. Instead of opting the option of goin back home, I went back to the office to do some work, till 8pm! Usually I dont even have much work to do, but that night, I felt so peaceful doin ma work and everything just seem to fall into places. Had a great chat with ma manager and ma colleague, Zool whom I left the office with. I guess Kak Nani is used to goin back around that hour. We chit chat while dipping our hands into ma container of M&Ms! :D

It was tiring, definetely. But when i walked to the pantry at 7.30pm on the 22nd floor of Menara TM, i was mesmorized by the beauty of KL view. The street lights and everything.

To my surprise, the traffic at 8pm from Bangsar to KJ is much more heavier than at 5.30pm! There I was thinking, "ala..kejap je..sure tak jam"..how i was wrong! I guess everyone that left their offices late had the same thinking as I did :p

Got back, did ma freelance till 12am. Had to force ma eyes open to do it, and I didnt even get to completely complete it.

Went to bed with a super duper exhausted body and mind, but I was very satisfied. Cos at that moment, I knew "it starts today"

Gals love being pampered. When its OVER pampered..we stamp em with "SPOILT" on their forehead. But in reality, who spoils em?

Ive had guy friends who will complain how spoilt their gals are. How the gals would get anything and everything that they want. Ok. Blame the parents for giving em all the materials such as moneh, cars, credit card n such. As a bf, whats ur role? Continue spoiling her? Exactly. What is it?

I personally think, to make someone who aged 30 to grow up from acting 18 is to provide em with 'growing up space'. How? Easy. When u get everything u want, u tend to take forgranted. Eg, when u r sick, u know someone will come running to u n bring u to the clinic n make sure u eat the right food..at the right timing n make sure u get enuff rest. Not just that, he or she will come n check on u every hour! Im not saying u should ditch all that n let her/him die n rot by himself, but to give em a chance to take care of emself u know.

Ok. Different perspective. What if you are not around? How will he/she survive? Die and rot? In a way, when u learn to give em a lil space to 'grow up', they will b able to handle such situations when ur assistance cant be met. Dont u think so?

I know u r trying to be caring..and sensitive. We are all like that. N we want that too. But like i said...if u continue over pampering her/him, he/she'll never be able to stand on her 2 feet..hence will be dependable on u on everything! n at the end of the day mite even take forgranted of u.

Give space. Give chances to learn. Trust me..they'll appreciate it one day. :)

Patriotism is defined as "love for country and willingness to sacrifice for it". Whats your definition?

I personally think that there r so many ways for u to show ur love n support towards our beloved country. Sometimes, the smallest thing means more. I mean, after all ..sthing is better than nothing. Most of the time, its not to show ppl how patriotic u r, but to prove it to urself.

For eg. I'm a super huge fan of Toyota and Mazda cars. But i still keep ma loyalty towards Proton. Despite the weaknesses in Proton, i believe that it will improve..and starting to already.

I dont know what you think about Malaysia, but to me, it can be considered as one of the safest country in the world. I cant be anymore thankful than this. We dont have any natural disasters ..except for tsunami la..n our government is pretty good..our economy still have room for improvements..we r very harmony. Where else can u find a country that has 3 major races..who gets along very well?
I get up everyday feeling thankful that i'm a Malaysian.

U dont have to be a politician to show how patriotic u r. U dont have to stand in front of a crowd to state your opinion about patriotism or any improvements that should be made on Malaysia. Everything starts somewhere. You can start by just telling 1 person..n trust me, word of mouth is the best method to get ur msg across to the entire world! (how do u think google got where it is now anyways?)

All im saying is that, we should stand firm on our ground. Be proud of who we r. Be thankful. :)

Our deepest sympathy to Eeleng and family as they lost their beloved father today, 4th December 2006 at 3+am.

Love ya gal..

Happy Feet is a must-watch movie!!! It's definetely the best animated movie EVER!! EVER!!!

I love mumble. we should learn from him. During the first quarter of the movie, when mumble was still small n being excluded from their singing activities cos he cant sing, it touches me. Cos at some point of ma life, i felt being left aside by friends. Even now..at times i still feel it. Having an exceptionally weird height for an asian gal, stimes ppl treat me as if im some alien!

Anywyas, back to mumble, he used his strength in the best way possible. N to those who has very few friends just cos some community cant accept u...dont give up! there are so many out there who will appreciate u. u just gotta be patient n find em. :) bottom line, be who u r. appreciate what u have :)

be mumble. :D

I got so carried away with the whole priority of words and actions in life that i ran away from ma point of even writing the topic on Action Vs Words.

In "guys suck with language skills" I received a comment saying 'action speaks louder than words' when i said that guys gotta improve on their language skills cos they stink at that. I focused on proving that words r just as important n forgot about action.

Anywyas, what im trying to say is that..to Dennis and the guys out there..yes..action speaks louder than words. Thats y God created deaf and numb ppl. cos they can survive through their actions. Ma point is..good that u guys realise that action speaks louder than words.

We girls r not expecting flowery and poetry words from u. we need action! attention! U dont have to say "I care" everyday..but a lil gesture of leaving a flower on the table or a peck on the cheek says more than that.

In today's generation..no words can be trusted 100%. U cant even trust ur own voice at times! Have u ever said "i hate you!" but behind those harsh words, u actually meant the opposite? u can lie to others with ur twisted words, but u cant lie to urself. Hence proving the power of mind.

Ok im getting all mixed up already. :P
But what im trying to say is that, i was wrong. Actions do speak louder than words. However words on the other hand r dependent on actions to prove it right. but to have a prosperous life...u should have both placed as priorities. :D

Im writing based on the comment received in the previous topic. Looks like someone's ego got shattered. :P calm down!

Which is more important? Actions or words? I think they are the bread and butter to sustain a healthy life. U cant live without one of it.

Someone said this to me..

"There is an English idiom that says "Actions speak louder than words". We say, we think and believe things that we want to be true. Actions on the other hand are rarely controlled by our thoughts (unless we develop them as habits). This is why our actions are a better mirror of ourselves and our ideologies than what we tell/believe about ourselves.
Actions take time to reveal personal ideologies. Until then words have to be trusted. I have noticed that words influence (or pollute) my perception of the person"

It's true that action speaks louder than words. But our actions r controlled by our mind. There's no logic to doing sthing without even a glance thru of thought in ur head first. Even when u r reaching out to get a bread, without realising it, u actually told ur mind that u were about to do so. So i totally dont agree when he said actions are rarely controlled by our thoughts.

However, there are spontaneous actions that might lead u to think that it wasnt controlled by ur thoughts. It was in a sudden..n at fast pace..thats y u think that way. But in reality, it was in ur head, thats y ur mind could send out signals to ur body parts to reach out or do sthing.

Ok..words. Words are the backbone of trust i would say. Then again since words n actions cant live without each other..somehow it will still come back to the fact that u gotta keep ur words n ur actions in line.
U cant say "ok" n not do it. Guys r good with that. Thats y they can answer "action speaks louder!" when i say they suck with language skills! hahahaha

To be honest, no one is great with anything. Life is a learning process. You make mistakes..u learn from it. Actions doesnt stand on its own..it needs the words to back it up. Words cant stand on its own too, it needs actions to prove it right.

So there is no such thing as action speaks louder than words or that words speaks louder than actions. u need BOTH!

so guys..polish up ur language skills!! u have got no excuses anymore! hehehe

i cant speak on men's behalf since im not em. but women tend to compare emself with men when comes to thinking. am i rite? oh come on....dont lie to urself.

I question maself sometimes.."y r men so difficult???" "y cant they get the hint?" "y they can be so heartless..n not even realise it??"
i talked to a guy colleague about it just now. even though his answers were vague..but it led me to go deeper on this topic.

Why do we think differently? Here's y.

Men and women do think differently, at least where the anatomy of the brain is concerned, according to a new study.

The brain is made primarily of two different types of tissue, called gray matter and white matter. This new research reveals that men think more with their gray matter, and women think more with white. Researchers stressed that just because the two sexes think differently, this does not affect intellectual performance.

In human brains, gray matter represents information processing centers, whereas white matter works to network these processing centers.

The results from this study may help explain why men and women excel at different types of tasks, said co-author and neuropsychologist Rex Jung of the University of New Mexico. For example, men tend to do better with tasks requiring more localized processing, such as mathematics, Jung said, while women are better at integrating and assimilating information from distributed gray-matter regions of the brain, which aids language skills.


So, now u understand y they just cant understand when we say "honey..its raining" n hope for em to get an umbrella for us..but they didnt. they suck in language skills!

but that shouldnt be an excuse for u to be self-absorbed. guys should think a lil more outside their comfort zone. where as the ladies must stop thinking too deep into everything..n that applies to maself too.

stay cool peepsss

peace!

Abis sudah rumah terbuka.

It was pretty tiring..but fun overall. I did an open house for raya yesterday at ma semi-furnished condo. Menu was:

Rendang ayam
Rendang daging
Sambal kacang
Nasi impit
Lasagna (beef)
Chickenball + mushroom pasta
Salad
Walnut brownies
Moist chocolate cake (Wan bawak)
Raya cookies
Sirap

The traditional food i ordered from a lady in uptown. It cost me a lot ..but it was good la. But the sad part was that...ppl didnt really it it surprisingly..cos they loved ma lasagna! hahahahahaha. damn..i might as well spend the money from those food n make more lasagnas instead. But it was a tiring thing la doin lasagna. i started cooking at 10pm on Sat..n slept at 4am!! got up at 7am on Sunday to cook the pasta sauce..then go collect the rendang from uptown..head to shafiq's house to bake the lasagnas...went back to set the place up n all. memang penat!

First to arrive...Dennis n Hafiz. They eat n watch Hitch with me n eeleng before Tariq n the twins appear. Then the crowd started coming after that la..around 2 gitu.
It was crazy when everyone yg expected to b there all gathered la. Noisy gila2 punya :P but it was fun. The guy enjoyed the 'pink-bikini' view from the balcony which faces the swimming pool. oh izzati n fifa joinned em too!! gila :P

by the time everyone left it was 4+. Next on the schedule will be to CLEAR things up. arrrrhhh..i hate doin dishes!!! Thank you shafiq for helping me out with that!!!
There are loads of left overs of rendang n all. Lasagna ada 2 pieces left, omar took one..n khairi took the other one just now. By the time i clear everything n take ma dinner..i was so about to K.O. slept at 9pm last nite n got up at 6am just now. hahahaha

it was fun as a whole. but dont think ill be doin for a big group like that anymore. if i had too..ill make sure i get assistants..n ppl to chip in cos it cost me A LOT! :P

I have always seen maself as an enthusiastic person. If u know me well enough, ull agree with me. When im into sthing..i give ma all. not 100% ..nor 101%..its 200%! It doesnt matter how small the task is...ill do ma best.

Im in a good position in ma life right now. I shouldnt complain. I have a steady job. I dont like it that much..but i should be thankful i even have 1. This is the first time that i have difficulties committing to it. It's tough cos i have no basic knowledge or what so ever in finance n billings n accounts n such. n ma work requires all that..detailed observation on numbers. n i HATE numbers. none of ma expertise or ma passion r being used in this work.

im not bragging..but i love ma passion in advertising. n im good at it cos i love it very much. i would so love to work on celcom's branding n marketing. but im being placed in global business in TM instead. ma mom said, u cant expect to work in a field u love, but to love the field u r working in. thats what im trying to do right now. it takes time. u hate numbers..n u r dealing with it now. u hate accounts..now u gotta love em. u hate m.excel..now u gotta make it ur bestfriend. u hate messy stuff...now u gotta organize what ever being dumped on ur table. its like that. n u gotta run while doing all of it!

aih...its one thing to realise ur lack of commitment n attn on work..its another thing when someone actually point that out to u! ma close colleague today did that. his exact words were "i could c u r taking forgranted" "u macam tak interested sangat" "u kerap lupa". i dont even remember ever being like that before this in ma life!! this is just so not me!

im not taking forgranted. i am not trying not to try to love this work. i am not forgetting stuff on purpose. i just happen to be like that in this matter. i love meetings. yes..weird..but i love it. i love the whole process of brain storming..getting feedbacks n insights from others n such...but here..i dont. maybe cos the whole system is different than where i was before..but..i just couldnt concentrate. not even during discussions!!

arrrhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! i gotta get back on pace!! how to restart??

Was just pondering about life before i dozzed off last nite..

I know this girl..she's the literal meaning of 'born with a silver spoon'! Welcomed to the world by a very caring and pretty wealthy family, she has been brought up with maids and drivers all her life, even before she started walking! Food and education has never been a problem in the family.

It is normal for a teenager to be rebelious during their teen life. She didnt escape it either. However, i envy the fact that even though her parents are well off...they lead such a normal life as an average Malaysians (exceptional for the cars though :p)
She led a normal teenager life too. While other teenagers were bz talking about boyfriends and Guess handbags and the latest fashion trend, she made her peace with her mom's advice "take a step at a time. If u jump, ull never be able to appreciate it". True enough. I'm glad she stuck to that advice. Even though now she dresses up in branded outfits and drinks branded coffee..she definetely knows how to appreciate em.

Graduated with good grades from a private uni here, she's currenly working in one of the well known companies in Malaysia. Had hoped to continue studying abroad, but postpone it due to financial assistance.

Living in hectic city and driving a luxurious car at such young age, she doesnt deserve to complain about life. She has the life many other girls are hoping for.

I'm glad i know her

I always...ALWAYS have things in mind to write. Everytime i see sthing interesting or experience sthing to be remembered..i always tell maself " I am sooooo gonna post that on the blog!" but i never did in the end. No! not cos i procrastinate! I dont have internet connection at home la! *excuses* :P

Lets see...soooo many things came by n gone d for the past few weeks. It has been a month+ now in TM. Finally got a laptop, own table, own drawer, own rubbish bin! Starting to mix better with the colleagues too. They r most of the time pretty serious..98% of the time facing the laptop..looking allll serious n tensed...unlike me..who will be smiling n giggling as ill be chatting! hahahahahhahaa. what? i have work la! stop assuming things! work hard..play harder! :D hehe

Finally..finally got to do sthing i love!!!! I applied to do freelance copywriting in an agency in Damansara..n guess what? I'm in!! hehehehe. I think he hired me cos i said "it's not about the payment..." :))

It's not thaaaat easy. Im still not familiar with the format n such..but getting the hang of it. Nina, the project manager has been very supportive in guiding me n all. Hopefully i can do better in the next project and can sustain ma position there. :)

i think the reason y our world now a days is so crazy n upside down is because nearly everyone..cant control themselves. everything they WANT will be theirs no matter how they get it..or who they hurt along the way.

lets not get into politics cos clearly politics now a days r full of selfishness and most of em r not fighting for others but their own ego. even marridges..what happened to loyalty?? u cant get everything u want. u gotta loose some to gain sthing. n u should always consider others' feelings in the process of getting what u want..especially if they r ur loved ones. i know we can never satisfy everyone..and at some point u should put urself before others...but come on man..when u put urself before anyone else at ALL times..u r just plain cruel n selfish n u cant lie to urself n say u r not.

oh yeah..n what happened to gals now a days?? even when u know that guy is already in a relationship..u r still pushing to be 'someone' in his life. look gal...try putting urself in that girlfren's/wife's shoes..n imagine if some gal doin what u r doin now to ur guy..dont tell me u wont b pissed off?? u will definetely call her names wont u? so cut it out la. haiyooo. control urself.

remember..u cant get everything u want. the best discipline is to be able to have self-control. good luck!

wow..4 more days to the end of Ramadhan. :( A lil sad..but also excited for the arrival of Syawal. :D Hehehe..ive lost 4kgs since i moved to KL..and im relying 101% on raya celebration to gain that weight back!!!

Anyways..i wanna wish all the muslims out there..especially ma friends a very happy n blessed Aidilfitri. I would like to apolagize if i had done anything accidentally or not to hurt ur feelings in any way possible.

I do hope u guys will c the real meaning behind the whole celebration rather than concentrating on the fooooddd n fire crackers ..n 'duit raya' only. :)

To the non-muslims..Happy hols!! :)

Finally went to the clinic yesterday in menara to get checkups since ive been coughing badly for the whole week n feverish. They gave me super strong drugs..that rite after i took it last nite..i knocked off immediately.

Im in the office now..n feeling super drowzy. I cant even walk in a straight line. huhuhu. Lets hope i get better by evening..

isnt that very true? i still remember a week before attending TM Training in Jalan Semarak for 2 weeks..i was just so freaking reluctant to go. I was judgmental about the training n all i could think of was that it is just a waste of time. How fortunate that i was wrong..

I made so many GREAT frens in that training. I learned to work in a group.be patient..be humble..mix with so many different types of ppl from so many types of backgrounds. Even tho i wished the washroom was in a much better condition...i do miss those times.

Now the 64 of us r scattered across malaysia. some are placed south..north..east west..everywhere lah. im thankful i got transfered here in KL..not just KL..but specifically in Menara TM. even tho ma workline has nthing to do with ma edu bg or ma passion or any of ma expertise..but i have great frens here. i still remember the time when i was trying hard to get placement here..how supportive they all were. Its surprising cos we just knew each other..but everyone was being so supportive n caring. Thanx guys....n galss.. hehe.. :)

With all ma love and respect for u peeps..i wish u guys all the best..n thanx for the wonderful frenship, G64! :)

It amazes me how life can be. I made a friend from the 2 week TM Training i had to go thru before entering the working life here in TM. He is a very nice guy..smart and ..em..i dunno..just nice to hang out with. I dont find him thaaaaat handsome..or thaaaaat tall (hahahaha)..but..it amazes me how ppl can fall for him so easily.

during the 2 weeks training..a lot of gals had crushes on him. i tot that was it. i was tryng to peacefully pray in the 'surau' just now in ma dept when a lady whom i havent introduced maself to yet asked me if im from his batch instead of ma name. wow....popular nyeeeee. they were talking about how handsome n smart looking n metrosexual yadi yada...but i just dont c all that somehow. heheahaha. life can b so funny.

ladies..dont judge a book by its cover.

12.25pm...ma emotion turned upside down. Dalam sekelip mata i felt sad from being all normal. Sthing is bugging me..but i dunno what. Despite the fact that ma hp is jammed due to many smses that i had to send out to announce ma move from maxis to celcom no...i just feel sad lah. aaiiihhhhhhhhhhh....i hate this crappy feeling... n no one around to help me mend it either...

After going thru a surprising VERY FUN (n this time im not beng sarcastic) 2 weeks-TM-training in Multimedia College in Jalan Semarak, I finally got a placement in TM.

"Anda hendaklah melaporkan diri kepada...... pada 1 Oktober 2006 di ..., Alor Setar, Kedah.."

WHAT???? that was ma first reaction when i openned the letter before leaving MMC. I literally cried in the car cos i couldnt believe ma effort of being well-prepared for working life by moving to kl and renting a place n all (cos during the interview they said ill b placed here)..will be eating ma ass back.

it took dignity and pride to walk into TM HR office for 3 days in a row..meeting so many managers..just so i can be placed in KL instead. Finally 4th day, i got a placement as Global SPOC in Global Business under Product Marketing in Menara TM. Even tho its no where near to Branding...i accepted it anyways since its here.

So far..i havent done any work yet. Getting briefs here n there regarding work..but i guess it takes time to learn about it esp when u r the middle person between sales and oversea clients. but im very up to the challege. chewah!

Hidup TM! (err...)

Lately, everything and i mean everything r done through sms. U can communicate with your frens, send pictures (MMS), vote for your favourite reality show candidates, get divorce, check your savings balance, blackmail and fwd jokes and what ever not through the power of SMS. Its such a wonder to think how this small little technology of text appearing at you 2x1" handphone screen can play such a big role in our lifes.

Im not gonna talk about EVERYTHING regarding sms..but just this particular issue I am not very happy about. I was just observing ppl and the world of SMS for quite sometime now. It amazes me how ppl get exicted when they get sms on jokes and rumours or what not and willingly spend ringgits to fwd it to others. It never entered their head it is wrong or what not cos "it makes no harm".

Ok then. One day, i received a SMS from a friend that wrote,

"Amanat dr Mekah: Penjaga Maqam Nabi telah bermimpi bertemu Nabi Muhammad SAW dan baginda berpesan kepadanya agar umatnya kuat beribadat kerana bumi ini sudah tua dan kiamat hampir tiba. Sebarkan sms ini kepada semua saudara islam kita"

I witnessed a conversation regarding smses like this when i was in KL one day. Tell me what is wrong with that SMS? Would you have fwded it? If yes y? if not, y?

Ma first reaction reading that sms was goose bumps all over ma body. We dont know how true is it that there is this person out there in Mekah who dreamt what was written in that SMS. We dont. How far is it true we will never know. But why cant we c the msg behind that sms? Isnt it true that the world is getting older? Isnt it true that Nabi Muhammad SAW had reminded us regarding this even before he left us? I think the signs on the end of the world are getting clearer each and every single day. And it is sad how ppl can just ignore em.

Ok..next point. Whats wrong with fwding that msg? It didnt say "You will be punished/ sinful for not fwding this to more than 10 ppl", did it? It just said "pls fwd it to muslims". I dont think there's anything wrong with that, personally. The sms meant well..and we never joke about religion.

What sadden me was that... Those jerks who've been smsing chain smses on Islam/Muslims had killed the trust and faith of many Muslims about the sincerity of msges meant to be sent through this method of technology. Even though its just a simple reminder, they quickly assume "it is wrong to fwd as it is a chain sms". Pls, we are educated ppl. I think we should think deeper if its a chain sms or not. Someone wise that i know told me that she wouldnt fwd smses on religion if it is stated "pls fwd it". I think what matters most is the msg after that. there's nthing sinful by saying "pls fwd it". its sinful to say "if not...bla bla bla".

so ma advice to those who wants to send thoughful thoughts and advices or reminders on our religion through SMS, i would strongly advice you to just type your msg and not add "pls fwd it" in the msg. I think that should come from within the receiver him/herself. This way, we can keep the TRUE and SINCERE smses on religion CLEAN. :)

P.S- I got goosebumps reading the sms because just a few nites before...i dreamt of the end of the world. I woke up feeling terrified to ma core. So do not take forgranted or misjudge ppl's experience.

Thats right! I cant stand BIMBOsss!!! "omg omg omg~~!!" "Everyone was looking at me" "Do i look nice in this..this? n this? what about this?" OH FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!!

One of the reasons i dont watch Hot Chick..cos i just cant stand the sight of bimbos. I do have a few close friends who are 1..still under control though. But that 1 main thing i just HATE the most about bimbos are the fact that they KNOW that they r pretty/attractive..and they keep TALKING about it! geeeeeeeeeesssssssshhhhh!

When a guy looks at me..first thing that comes into ma head would be "did the ketchup spill on ma shirt?" or.."did i zip up ma pants?" or .."what?? never seen a tall gal??"..u know..stuff like that. out of 30 times..i think maybe once (or not) that i will think "he's checking me out alrite". Then again..im not the most attractive person uve met..so im just cool if ppl turn their heads to look at me.

But ..these pretty gals..*big sigh*...yes..i admit..u r attractive. n u KNOW that YOURSELF. but y must u act as if it is sooooooooooooooooo sinful that other ppl r looking at u cos u r pretty?? or even worst..y do u always think that ppl are ALWAYS looking at u? n that u r the main attention of the universe???
Exactly..2 types of bimbos.

1. I-dont-like-ppl-who-wants-to-get-to-know-me-cos-i'm-pretty type
Ask urself this very simple ques. When u look at a handsome guy..what is ur first reaction. DONT LIE to me and urself and answer stupidly "his watch"! I bet it will b his looks. Who in this world who doesnt like looking at gorgeous ppl? Ok..doesnt it just make sence that u would love to know more about that person? Ive seen this gal..who goes head over heels about a guy in a magazine..whom she finds 'cute'..and ..she was just crazy over him..hoping to get to know him n such. based on what? LOOKS aint it? Its just human nature. So y the heck r u making such a big deal when ppl wanna get to know u? Y must it always b "he wants to get to know me cos im pretty". It shows 1 thing. U r not confident of urself..anything else in urself but ur looks. thats y that idea is the first to pop into ur silly head!

2. Im-the-pretties-gal-in-the-room
What the....??? A perfect malay word for it will be 'PERASAN'. self-absorbed. everything and all u can think of is u. Even when ppl r looking AT YOUR DIRECTION..u straight jump into conclusion that he's checking u out. When u walk into the mall, u feel as if everyone turn their heads n gaze at u while u attract the attention like no one else has. Again..what the..??? What the heck is playing in ur head u freak?? Just cos u r from a mix parentage family..or fair..or blonde..or put on fake blue contact lenses..must u act like a fool n think that u r the centre of attention!

N to answer to that question playing in ur head, NO, i dont have probs, mentally, physically or emotionally with pretty ppl. Ive been around so many of em..and ive been with those who have amazing humble attitude too. They make u feel like u blend in..n that looks are not the main thing in anything. It's the beaty inside that means most. N ma bestest fren in the world is the best example of that.

I just can't stand bimbos. Thats all. Remember gals, its not always about u. N besides, looks will not b with u forever. Its what inside that means most. so CUT IT OUT!

"Happy 22nd PRINCESS Aina". I had that written on my own birthday cake for a birthday party i worked ma ass off to have. The day before, I worked my way to TESCO with Ita to purchase groceries for the party, went to the market and then ordered the cake. Tiring day, but i guess its ok.

Party day. A day before ma bday cos apparantly it is not covenient to have ma bday party on the bday day (Sunday). Fine by me. Woke up real early in the morning to accompany my mom to the hospital, 1 of those places in my "DONT BRING ME THERE" list, for x-ray and doc appointment on her fractured leg. Was there till about 11..came back, open ma shoes, went it to get my car key, drove out to the market..alone. Bought more things to cook for the party. Heavy. Hand aching. Its ok.

Got back, eat late brunch with ma mom while i watch Mrs Doubtfire, head to the kitchen to make jelly and pudding with ma mom, tired..went up to chat for a few mins..came down..watch tv..Ita came. Cleared the long table to put the food, cleared the trolly for drinks and glasses. Showered. Dressed up in an A-line, surprisingly very flattering peach skirt with a small long sleeve black top from China, with beautiful amboidary at the wrist. Went down, sat in the kitchen with Ita to prepare salad, fruits and puddings. (it sounds sooooooo easy..but believe me it was pretty tiring). When everything's done..went up and beautify maself in baby pink head dress. Had heart aching conversations with ma bf and ma sis who both couldnt attend the party. Couldnt hold ma tears. Calmed maself. Put a smile and walk down.

It was just a small party, so only 1 family was invited ( 7 of em including ma grand aunty). The original menu was, Sate, nasi goreng cina, keow teow goreng, nasi impit, salad, fruits, jelly and pudding. But ma bro insisted he wants some bbq, so i took out prawns and sosseges. But it wasnt enough for him. He drove to TESCO, got marinated squids and beef. Not very happy as plan changed. (i cant eat any of that cos just got ma teeth fixed and not advisable by the doc to eat anything hard). but fine by me. Time for..."oh bday cake" i say. Grabbed it from its box from the fridge, place it on a plate, light the 2 big and 2 small candles..and carry em maself to the table..placing it beside ma mom who was on a wheel chair. Ok..now what?

The candles started to melt..and drip on the cake while everyone who gathered at the table apparantly bz with their own thing. Ma dad was bz trying to learn how the heck to snap pictures with his brand new hp. After the whole drama, he tried to start the 'choir' but sang it all wrong...3-4 times! that i started getting annoyed. Before anything..ma bro made such a big fuss that he couldnt find the equipment for his bbq session, ma mom yellin at me to help him search while ma candles melted its way there on the cake. The sad feelings from the 2 conversations i had earlier disturbed ma mind..adding more with what was happening. Cant find the equipments..i got irritated. so did ma bro. Fine. I walked back to the table where ma cake was placed. "Lets sing!" maybe i should have said that. Mayb thigns would have been better if i had said that. But i didnt. I just stood there..with a knife in ma hand..waiting for someone to sing ma bday song. Everyone was just talking and bz with i dunno what but gathering still at the table. Someone started singing..but she end up singing herself that she stopped. Now ma dad's turn.."Happy birthday Aina~~!". what the hell?? No one sings like that..3 times esp when ppl say not to!

I felt annyoed..but tried to control ma emotion. Ita stand on the other side of the table with a camera ready. In the end i turned to ma mom, "Im starting to feel annoyed". So she yelled at the rest to start singing. It was the worst ever bday song choir ive ever heard. I was just soooooooooooooooooooooo sad..i looked down at the cake the whole time..controlling from exploding of frustration. I couldnt hold on any longer. After i blew ma candles..i pull em out and threw em on the table. I walked through the kitchen to a guest room that has an attached bathroom. Locked maself in the toilet, crying. While i was walking there, an aunty said "aina, pasai apa ni?" with the tone *what is ur problem*.

I just cried and cried in the toilet. Heard ita's presence outside the toilet door calling ma name. Heard ma dad entering the room asking for me. Then he went away. I finally came out the toilet after ita closed the guess room door. Sat at the bed end crying. All the hard work i put in for a bday party for MYSELF..with bday cake i bought for MYSELF..dressing up the way i did to please ma parents..throwing a bday party which i didnt even want in the first place. And i cant even get ppl to appreciate any of it..and sing me a pathetic bday song properly.

U know..when i stood in front of the cake..i felt like everything was moving so slowly..all i can hear are mumbles of words..everyone just bz with their ownself. and there i was standing in front of ma cake..with candles that melted it ways down onto the cake... waiting for a sign of appreciation.

I looked down at the cake.. "Happy 22nd PRINCESS Aina". A princess I wasn't.

For the guys out there who thinks that everything doesnt matter...even when u screw up sthing n u know someone will b there to clean up ur mess..do watch The Breakup to give u that lil knock on ur head.

I dont understand y guys especially...do not learn anything from what ever that are happening around them or what they watch. Some r worst..they dont even learn anything from what happened to em in the past. How dumb is that?? For crying out loud..life is not perfect..but there r so many ways n signs out there to make it a better place to live. Learn from what u c and what u hear.

Btw, when ur gf is nice to u..do not take forgranted of her. instead pls show some respect and appreciation. learn to wanna do sthing for her too..rather than expecting her to do everything for u. and when u r at fault..do not wait till the next day to say sorry. how expensive is it to say it? u know u r at fault..say it n mean it! put aside ur ego cos its just gonna destroy u in the end.

It has been a month also..(or more?) since i left MMU. damn...i miss that place so much!!! waaaaaaaaaaaa! :(

Anyways..yup..i tanam anggur..n eat the anggur maself. hehehahahahaha! im in between 1 and 2. to go on being 1..or to risk everything and try adapting to 2. blerrghh! im the type who plans everything ahead. I just never thought ill be experiencing this problem now. Well, bak kata orang.."kita hanya boleh merancang, tp Tuhan tentukan segalanya". Yup...facing that now.