"Happy 22nd PRINCESS Aina". I had that written on my own birthday cake for a birthday party i worked ma ass off to have. The day before, I worked my way to TESCO with Ita to purchase groceries for the party, went to the market and then ordered the cake. Tiring day, but i guess its ok.

Party day. A day before ma bday cos apparantly it is not covenient to have ma bday party on the bday day (Sunday). Fine by me. Woke up real early in the morning to accompany my mom to the hospital, 1 of those places in my "DONT BRING ME THERE" list, for x-ray and doc appointment on her fractured leg. Was there till about 11..came back, open ma shoes, went it to get my car key, drove out to the market..alone. Bought more things to cook for the party. Heavy. Hand aching. Its ok.

Got back, eat late brunch with ma mom while i watch Mrs Doubtfire, head to the kitchen to make jelly and pudding with ma mom, tired..went up to chat for a few mins..came down..watch tv..Ita came. Cleared the long table to put the food, cleared the trolly for drinks and glasses. Showered. Dressed up in an A-line, surprisingly very flattering peach skirt with a small long sleeve black top from China, with beautiful amboidary at the wrist. Went down, sat in the kitchen with Ita to prepare salad, fruits and puddings. (it sounds sooooooo easy..but believe me it was pretty tiring). When everything's done..went up and beautify maself in baby pink head dress. Had heart aching conversations with ma bf and ma sis who both couldnt attend the party. Couldnt hold ma tears. Calmed maself. Put a smile and walk down.

It was just a small party, so only 1 family was invited ( 7 of em including ma grand aunty). The original menu was, Sate, nasi goreng cina, keow teow goreng, nasi impit, salad, fruits, jelly and pudding. But ma bro insisted he wants some bbq, so i took out prawns and sosseges. But it wasnt enough for him. He drove to TESCO, got marinated squids and beef. Not very happy as plan changed. (i cant eat any of that cos just got ma teeth fixed and not advisable by the doc to eat anything hard). but fine by me. Time for..."oh bday cake" i say. Grabbed it from its box from the fridge, place it on a plate, light the 2 big and 2 small candles..and carry em maself to the table..placing it beside ma mom who was on a wheel chair. Ok..now what?

The candles started to melt..and drip on the cake while everyone who gathered at the table apparantly bz with their own thing. Ma dad was bz trying to learn how the heck to snap pictures with his brand new hp. After the whole drama, he tried to start the 'choir' but sang it all wrong...3-4 times! that i started getting annoyed. Before anything..ma bro made such a big fuss that he couldnt find the equipment for his bbq session, ma mom yellin at me to help him search while ma candles melted its way there on the cake. The sad feelings from the 2 conversations i had earlier disturbed ma mind..adding more with what was happening. Cant find the equipments..i got irritated. so did ma bro. Fine. I walked back to the table where ma cake was placed. "Lets sing!" maybe i should have said that. Mayb thigns would have been better if i had said that. But i didnt. I just stood there..with a knife in ma hand..waiting for someone to sing ma bday song. Everyone was just talking and bz with i dunno what but gathering still at the table. Someone started singing..but she end up singing herself that she stopped. Now ma dad's turn.."Happy birthday Aina~~!". what the hell?? No one sings like that..3 times esp when ppl say not to!

I felt annyoed..but tried to control ma emotion. Ita stand on the other side of the table with a camera ready. In the end i turned to ma mom, "Im starting to feel annoyed". So she yelled at the rest to start singing. It was the worst ever bday song choir ive ever heard. I was just soooooooooooooooooooooo sad..i looked down at the cake the whole time..controlling from exploding of frustration. I couldnt hold on any longer. After i blew ma candles..i pull em out and threw em on the table. I walked through the kitchen to a guest room that has an attached bathroom. Locked maself in the toilet, crying. While i was walking there, an aunty said "aina, pasai apa ni?" with the tone *what is ur problem*.

I just cried and cried in the toilet. Heard ita's presence outside the toilet door calling ma name. Heard ma dad entering the room asking for me. Then he went away. I finally came out the toilet after ita closed the guess room door. Sat at the bed end crying. All the hard work i put in for a bday party for MYSELF..with bday cake i bought for MYSELF..dressing up the way i did to please ma parents..throwing a bday party which i didnt even want in the first place. And i cant even get ppl to appreciate any of it..and sing me a pathetic bday song properly.

U know..when i stood in front of the cake..i felt like everything was moving so slowly..all i can hear are mumbles of words..everyone just bz with their ownself. and there i was standing in front of ma cake..with candles that melted it ways down onto the cake... waiting for a sign of appreciation.

I looked down at the cake.. "Happy 22nd PRINCESS Aina". A princess I wasn't.

For the guys out there who thinks that everything doesnt matter...even when u screw up sthing n u know someone will b there to clean up ur mess..do watch The Breakup to give u that lil knock on ur head.

I dont understand y guys especially...do not learn anything from what ever that are happening around them or what they watch. Some r worst..they dont even learn anything from what happened to em in the past. How dumb is that?? For crying out loud..life is not perfect..but there r so many ways n signs out there to make it a better place to live. Learn from what u c and what u hear.

Btw, when ur gf is nice to u..do not take forgranted of her. instead pls show some respect and appreciation. learn to wanna do sthing for her too..rather than expecting her to do everything for u. and when u r at fault..do not wait till the next day to say sorry. how expensive is it to say it? u know u r at fault..say it n mean it! put aside ur ego cos its just gonna destroy u in the end.

It has been a month also..(or more?) since i left MMU. damn...i miss that place so much!!! waaaaaaaaaaaa! :(

Anyways..yup..i tanam anggur..n eat the anggur maself. hehehahahahaha! im in between 1 and 2. to go on being 1..or to risk everything and try adapting to 2. blerrghh! im the type who plans everything ahead. I just never thought ill be experiencing this problem now. Well, bak kata orang.."kita hanya boleh merancang, tp Tuhan tentukan segalanya". Yup...facing that now.

it has been almost a week that i have been under the weather. thats not the worst part..it has been exactly a week that ive had this creative blockage that i cant seem to think of any new design for ma website template nor try to execute anything.

aihhh....

i have exactly 3 weeks to execute a major project on website, minor on TVC, study for final exam on Cyberpreneurship and Basic acct, econs and management. adding salt into this bitter coffee ..im currently under the weather. : God knows how much im suffering rite now!

However, a great mind once told me, "God will only test those He thinks are capable of goin thru it". That statement, i find..is very very strong. For a person who's goin thru a hell of a time rite now, that statement actually puts me on a higher level than where i am. I feel good somehow that im being tested with all this...because i CAN go thru it. i just have to find the way. just like all of u out there.

If u have financial problem..dont give up n just swear ur whole life thru. do sthing about it. like i said before..there are no answers to every questions in life. but there are solutions. so stop whining "y is she born richer than i am???" "y does he always have money in his life n i dont??" because u can never get an answer u want to hear. bottom line...u have to EARN it urself. work for it. it doesnt matter if its financial or relationship or career..or life. God will reward u if u work for it.

Luck doesnt exist without effort...remember that.

Why we can be annoyed easily? For me, i get annoyed when i am in pain and ppl around me just dont seem to understand. But most of the time,im annoyed at ma ownself. Usually when related to work stuff. Like for now, Im annoyed that even tho ive started studying for ma midterm much earlier than anyone else, i still have dificulties remembering and answering the tutorial questions. Im annoyed that, i have to submit my design progress work on Tuesday, n i havent even started on anything major, YET! Im annoyed that im in pain at such wrong timing! Im VERY VERY annoyed rite now that im having terrible flu that everytime i sneeze..ma whole head seems to shake..including ma brains n every information i stored in it.

How i get annoyed at people? When they mind other people's businesses. "How much have u studied?" "Where are u rte now with ur work?" Its like...SHUSHHHHHHHH!!!! does it matter so much??? What..if i am done with everything...ur marks will be lower? For crying out loud..mind ur own business! theres a thin line between "being caring" and "being penyebok". or in other words..busy body..or just plain too competitive. Because when u r being caring... u wont b asking the same stupid question more than once in a day!

ok..clearly im annoyed rite now..thats y im in the mood to write on it. hehehe. I HATE FLU!!!

Wow....it has been ages since i post anything up here. Been damn bz...n i just had to put ma passion on writing aside.
graduating soon...VERY soon. wow..working life. Am i facing that first..or continue with masters? Not so sure yet..

well...LIFE...ppl say that there are no answers to every questions in life. true..i cant deny that. but what ppl tend to miss out is that...there are solutions to everything. but they mite b solutions that are not to ur favour.

i think thats a pretty strong statement n i dont have to accompany it with an example to make it clear. :)

good luck to everyone out there who searches for solutions in their life.. :)

Wow!!! It has been 2 months since i post up anything here! hehehe. Well..ive been bz..and also..i have a new page at fotopages.com.. Feel free to visit at http://tiggeraina.fotopages.com :)

Anyways..Ramadhan is here again..alhamdulillah..it has been 3 days and so far so good even though i was sick da first 2 days. Anyways, wanna wish every muslim out there Happy fasting! :D

Akademi Fantasia 3 ended with history created along it. Asmawi or better known as Mawi won 1st place at the highest vote ever in the show with 58%!! Not just that, he also won the Best Vocal and Best Performance awards voted through sms.

Clearly, im a fan of his. For the very first time, i actually VOTED..20 times or more! Aznil was a good mc. He managed to fool the audience that there will b a surprise with the votes...pasal tu yg kitaorang ni terus2 vote like hell...!!

But i think astro is not very fair with the system for Best Vocal award. It shouldnt based on sms..instead on the judges or teachers. I think Amelyia deserve the award..or Felix..or Aqma or the others that i didnt watch before. Cos, clearly there are better vocalist than Mawi. N for performance, i think Amelyia deserve it, however, cos she managed to get her song..n it's an upbeat song..it wouldnt b a surprise either if she won it.
like Mawi said, "Rezeki ini dr Allah". Clearly he was surprised himself. ..to win ALL the awards.

I wish Mawi all the best. May u keep up ur identity and be happy with ur future in the industry.

MAWI WORLD!

My internship sadly ended last friday, 29th July 2005. It will be a day ill never forget.

I was thrown a beautiful farewell by having a great lunch in a Thailand restaurant. Not enuff, i was also thrown an early birthday celebration in the office with a delicious secret recipe cake. the best part? i CRIED..in front of the whole marketing division!!! heheahhahahaha! it happened when they asked me to give a farewell speech. it has been 3 wonderful months and i made a lot of great frens and experience on life that i know will be usefull for me in the future. how can i say goodbye?

even after a week...im still sad that im no longer there. :( i will surely miss all of em; jason, kak muni, kak rin, chin, chrissy, paul, aslene, ader, jo, mai, giri, kiki and so many others. aihh...

thank you for a wonderful experience of a lifetime..

aihhh... 2 days more. i dont wanna leave Toyota!!! the one and only reason im looking fwd for it is to be able to sleep well n not get up at 6am in ther morning..5 times a week!!!

aih...ill write more on ma last day...

waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!! sedih laa!!! 2 weeks more!! n im missing work today cos of that stoopid piercing pain under ma stomach. stoopid urine infection!! blerrgghhh!!

i love working life. i wish im working in toyota for good. :( aih...i can never ask for greater work mates than the ones i have there. U GUYS R THE COOLESSTTT!!! and the GREAATESSTT!! and the sweetestt tooo!!!

i have 2 new workmates...Maizura..executive under Jason...and Giri..the boss of Jason and Aderline. they r cool alrite. :)

aih..how much i wish im already done studying..n im not tied with telekom so that i can work with toyota. :( huhuhu

7 weeks to go...
should i be "phewwww..~!" or.. "sobsss...."?
so torn in between.

"phewww.." will be for not having to drive 50km to work every day..one way!..not having to face the boredom of not having work at times.. (most of the time lately.. )

"sobbbss" will be for not being able to see ma greatest workmates everyday! i so know i'll miss the handsome, sweet but yet at times annoying chin, the cute noisy and caring kak muni, the sweet, funny, thoughtful kak rin, the smart-walking-dictionary-with lots-of-impression-faces paul a.k.a paully, the cutey baby boss chris aka chrissy, the noisy, very bz jo, the sweet smart aslene and ofcourse last but not least... the very knowledgeable, understanding and sweetest boss, jason. how can i live ma days after 3 months seeing em every weekdays?!

i've already lost 1...nana..who resigned last thursday. she started working the same day i started ma internship and that's y we were closed. i share with her lots n lots of things. i really enjoy talking to her. but she left for good reasons. i wish her all the best and hope the friendship last.

aih... 7 weeks...7 weeks...
good luck aina!

Sometimes i regret staying in cyberia condo i'm staying rite now. not just about the cutting-throat-expensive-rent-rate, but also the owner. i have lived here for a month + so far...3 incidents has happened..

1. I came back one day after work and found out ma door room was unlocked and not closed properly. Freaked out n tot that a thief came in until i saw a green notice steaker from the landlord behind ma door. I wasnt informed or what so ever about it ..the worst part..they came into ma room WITHOUT ma permission. legally..i can take a LEGAL ACTION on them..but i let it go this time since nothing was missing from ma room.

2. Came back from work a lil later than usual..7+..to find i was being locked outside ma condo. One of the unfamiliar staff of ma landlord came into the condo earlier and locked the grill door which i dont have the key to. Apolagize was accepted by me..for the second time.

3. Today..10.30pm++, i woke up from ma nap as i heard the door grill being opened. i tot i was dreaming. then heard the toilet door being opened too..i tot it was shafiq coming to visit me n needed to go to the toilet urgently. but due to half-awake..i tot it was all just a dream..UNTIL i smell cigarette. i slowly close n locked ma slightly-open door room. then suddenly the electric went off. i was praying hard that it wasnt a thief or anyone bad. called shafiq n he said he's not the one in ma house. quicly smsed ma landlord n his staff but no reply. i waited as i am afraid to go out to check out in the dark as i heard male's voice.
waited for a while till the electric came back before i grab ma 'tudung' n open the door to find a girl n a guy standing in the corridor way. i admit i was a lil rude to em at first as i was freaked out n panicked n pissed off for not being inform that i finally have a new HOUSEMATE. i called ma landlord's staff immediately n was given a rediculous excuse that she forgot to inform me cos she was 'too bz'. CRAP! with the technology we have today (if u cant call..SMS!!) ..i dont accept her excuses n hung up on her right after i yelled at her.

Worst part..found out ma new housemate is a smoker who will have her bf around often..and i am allergic to cigarette and i wear 'tudung' so it's difficult if there's guys around unexpectedly.

so what will u do if u r at ma place?? tell me

phewww! what a day i had!

woke up late at 7 ..itu pon nasib baik shafiq kejut walaupun ma mom dah kejut at 6.10 ...reach ma work place late...berebut parking space with 3 other peeps...terpaksa naik tangga to level 3 of ma office since the lift broke down...had a not very prodcutive day...came back to cyberia at 7+ after washing ma car to find out i was LOCKED OUTSITE the condo!!! i was so pissed cos the grill was locked by someone n i dont have the key to it. called ma landlord n his staff but no one picked up..n the worst part..i needed to shi shi..BADLY!

thank god a3-3-3 condo (shafiq's old house) ada orang..so i went there to do ma small little emergency stop. managed to get ma landlord's staff on the line after a while n get the grill unlocked by other tenants from another house..who eventually has the same grill key as mine to her grill door too. weird!

last nite i came back with ma door room unlocked n not closed properly with a note on the back of ma door frm the landlord. i was so damn pissed. thank God no one broke into the place n curi anything from ma room or i will so take legal action on ma landlord for entering ma room without ma permission!

end ma tiring day with original recipe kfc that's cold..while watching F.R.I.E.N.D.S. Damn tired now...goin to bed.
Hope ur day was better than mine..n hoping ma day tomorrow will be much much better too.

" The art of living is more like wrestling than dancing. " Marcus Aurelius

hahahaha! i just realised that i write the blog like..once a month! :p better than not at all. hehe

Anyways...i've been wanting to write about ma internship but sthing always just come up n make me forget about ma intention. :p

i'm in ma 4th week in UMW Toyota Motor Sdn Bhd head office in Shah Alam. I'm working under Brand Communication under Brand Building under Marketing Department. Ma boss is mr. Jason and i have 2 other mates in the team; Chris and Paul. but i'm just as helpul in Brand Management too...the ones in charge of events n such. It's also under Brand Building.

Anyways...it had been a great 4 week experience. Clearly i dont do any designing there..but that's the whole point of me choosing a company to work in instead of an advertising agency. As everyone is rushing to work in ad agency as it is LITERALLY what ma major is all about...i on the other hand want to approach something different which will benefit me later in ma working days (this is just ma opinion...lain kepala lain rasa)

Internship is basically to give u a rough idea of the working field of urs..so that u wont b all turkey cold when u grad..at least that's what i think of it. So..since i will b the 'supplier'..meaning the one supplying designs n such (ad agency) when i work next time..i would have to handle 'clients'..meaning companies that will ask me to design ads for em.
so to be smart..i wanna learn to be client first..so that when i am a supplier...i will understand better y the client is acting that way..how to approach em in a diff way or how to handle difficult situations with em...cos i was ONCE em. :)
i know some ppl think it's stupid or some make me feel regretful coming to Toyota..but guess what..it doesnt affect ma opinion or ma aim at all! cos i am already on the way there.

I have great work mates there. We lunch together..kutuk2 each other. heheahhaha. it's fun! Brand Building ROCKS!! woohooooo!!! Even tho so far i'm not really doin what i really wanna do..but it has been good experience. I know how to fax already..n i love it!! hehehehe

The journey is tiring tho. pergi balik 1 jam kalau tak jam...with average driving of 140km/j la. ma toll pergi balik in a day would be RM7. yup..RM7!

anyways..i hope u guys r having fun doing what u r doing too. i hope ma aim in toyota will be accomplished...i hope urs will too. :)

" To find joy in work is to discover the fountain of youth." Pearl S. Buck

I cant believe that it has been nearly 3 years that i've been in MMU. geeshhh...how fast time flies.

Gonna start ma industrial training soon...25th of April 2005...a date i will remember forever. I know to some it sounds lame...but for me..it's a starting point for a journey in a different phase of ma life. Even though i still have another year in MMU (for our faculty..we have to do internship to be able to continue in the final year) it feels like..everything is ending soon.

When we are studying..our aim will be to graduate. The first day we step our feet into the university...our target is the day of our graduation..or for some of us..freedom. But..as overwhelming as it is...where and what is our target next when we start working? Being a boss? then? i dont know... i feel like the aim will not be as clear and as 'automatic' as when u r a student. it depends on the individual him/herself. i used to be sure of where and what i am heading to...i'm not very sure of that anymore...

16th march 2005. It seems like it was just yesterday. A day i will never forget. I finally completed part of my dreams..meeting my idol; Tun Mahathir Mohammad. Not just meet, we shaked hands, talked and laughed! it was cool!!!

1st annual creative academic awards was a great success. a great was to end my 2 year journey as a president of CMC. i've went through A LOT for the past 2 years..i've met many type of people..good ..bad..weird..everything. it taught me a lot about life. i managed to get hold and control my temper way2 better too now. :) *proud of maself sekejap :p* hehehe
would like to thank all ma commitee members who did a great job! i hope next year's will be a greater one, insyaAllah.

God bless..

*no pics available at the moment..problem uploading 'em*

"Develop success from failures. Discouragement and failure are two of the surest stepping stones to success. " Dale Carnegie

it's weird how u sometimes think that u know someone..but u actually dont. today...i finally 'met' the most desperate, lammest man ever!! n i cant imagine how the hell i was once close to him.

if u r reading this, u just put urself into a tiger's mouth full of bullshit! no no..that's what most ppl think she is..but she's actually an anaconda with a big microphone n wireless connection of her own 'minah-jarum-CNN'! n u think u will just get hurt as she bites n tear off ur freaking ass...but guess what..she's gonna swallow u and then spit u out as if u r some phlegm that disturbs her self-centered life.

n guess what? i'm not talking to u cos i am laughing hard at u, u stoopid stoopid jerk! to be honest, i dont give a tiny rat's ass about u no more. it is just that, it facinates me..how a lame desperado ditch a 3 year- so-called-family relationship to be with an anaconda that walks like sthing is stuck up her ass whom he once wanted to punch at! i would love to know the ending of your crappy fairy tale. go on sailling on ur ship..cos u r just gonna end up hitting a super big ice berg and fall into the sea and drown with no one by ur side! hahahahhahahaaha!

p.s- i'm not cruel. he just plainly deserves that for being a desperate freak!

What would u do...if u have an enemy whom u swear upon God that u will never forgive in ANY of ur life because he/she ruinned ur life once and made ur life a living hell..is now a fren to a person u consider a family member?

imagine having a ..emm.. say brother...who knew what u went through during the period of hell..emotionally..everything la...and knows how much u hated that person who made ur life a living hell once. suddenly..one morning..he tells u.."hey..i went out with a fren that day..n he brought 2 frens with him. oh n btw..they are the bitches who once made ur life a living hell" (words n sentences re-phrased ..but with the same meaning)
wouldnt u freaked out??? what the hell is ma so-called brother doing with the bitches i hate most in ma life??? to add salt to the wound.."we clicked"..... how the hell would u react?? pls..pls tell me! am i selfish for being mad..or is he selfish for not considering ma feelings??

i have always thought...a person u consider close like a family member..would never..n i repeat..NEVER do that to a person they claim to care so much for. if it was me...and ma so-called bro tell me that "i am really uncomfortable that u r frens with him esp since u know i hated him n what he did to me.." i will stay away from that guy! cos..i just KNEW that person. but i knew ma so-called brother for 3 years!!! logically..who would i put first?? a person dear to me or a person i hardly know WHOM i assume clicks with me after the first outting??? besides...i KNEW what he did to ma bro... how ma so-called bro suffered for months of emotional breakdowns n such... will i have the heart to be frens with the person who did that to him?? who even once talk bad behind ma back without even KNOWING me first?? talk bad behind ma friends' backs???will u?

"When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives means the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. " Henri Nouwen