Aina Nadzir
"Happy 22nd PRINCESS Aina". I had that written on my own birthday cake for a birthday party i worked ma ass off to have. The day before, I worked my way to TESCO with Ita to purchase groceries for the party, went to the market and then ordered the cake. Tiring day, but i guess its ok.

Party day. A day before ma bday cos apparantly it is not covenient to have ma bday party on the bday day (Sunday). Fine by me. Woke up real early in the morning to accompany my mom to the hospital, 1 of those places in my "DONT BRING ME THERE" list, for x-ray and doc appointment on her fractured leg. Was there till about 11..came back, open ma shoes, went it to get my car key, drove out to the market..alone. Bought more things to cook for the party. Heavy. Hand aching. Its ok.

Got back, eat late brunch with ma mom while i watch Mrs Doubtfire, head to the kitchen to make jelly and pudding with ma mom, tired..went up to chat for a few mins..came down..watch tv..Ita came. Cleared the long table to put the food, cleared the trolly for drinks and glasses. Showered. Dressed up in an A-line, surprisingly very flattering peach skirt with a small long sleeve black top from China, with beautiful amboidary at the wrist. Went down, sat in the kitchen with Ita to prepare salad, fruits and puddings. (it sounds sooooooo easy..but believe me it was pretty tiring). When everything's done..went up and beautify maself in baby pink head dress. Had heart aching conversations with ma bf and ma sis who both couldnt attend the party. Couldnt hold ma tears. Calmed maself. Put a smile and walk down.

It was just a small party, so only 1 family was invited ( 7 of em including ma grand aunty). The original menu was, Sate, nasi goreng cina, keow teow goreng, nasi impit, salad, fruits, jelly and pudding. But ma bro insisted he wants some bbq, so i took out prawns and sosseges. But it wasnt enough for him. He drove to TESCO, got marinated squids and beef. Not very happy as plan changed. (i cant eat any of that cos just got ma teeth fixed and not advisable by the doc to eat anything hard). but fine by me. Time for..."oh bday cake" i say. Grabbed it from its box from the fridge, place it on a plate, light the 2 big and 2 small candles..and carry em maself to the table..placing it beside ma mom who was on a wheel chair. Ok..now what?

The candles started to melt..and drip on the cake while everyone who gathered at the table apparantly bz with their own thing. Ma dad was bz trying to learn how the heck to snap pictures with his brand new hp. After the whole drama, he tried to start the 'choir' but sang it all wrong...3-4 times! that i started getting annoyed. Before anything..ma bro made such a big fuss that he couldnt find the equipment for his bbq session, ma mom yellin at me to help him search while ma candles melted its way there on the cake. The sad feelings from the 2 conversations i had earlier disturbed ma mind..adding more with what was happening. Cant find the equipments..i got irritated. so did ma bro. Fine. I walked back to the table where ma cake was placed. "Lets sing!" maybe i should have said that. Mayb thigns would have been better if i had said that. But i didnt. I just stood there..with a knife in ma hand..waiting for someone to sing ma bday song. Everyone was just talking and bz with i dunno what but gathering still at the table. Someone started singing..but she end up singing herself that she stopped. Now ma dad's turn.."Happy birthday Aina~~!". what the hell?? No one sings like that..3 times esp when ppl say not to!

I felt annyoed..but tried to control ma emotion. Ita stand on the other side of the table with a camera ready. In the end i turned to ma mom, "Im starting to feel annoyed". So she yelled at the rest to start singing. It was the worst ever bday song choir ive ever heard. I was just soooooooooooooooooooooo sad..i looked down at the cake the whole time..controlling from exploding of frustration. I couldnt hold on any longer. After i blew ma candles..i pull em out and threw em on the table. I walked through the kitchen to a guest room that has an attached bathroom. Locked maself in the toilet, crying. While i was walking there, an aunty said "aina, pasai apa ni?" with the tone *what is ur problem*.

I just cried and cried in the toilet. Heard ita's presence outside the toilet door calling ma name. Heard ma dad entering the room asking for me. Then he went away. I finally came out the toilet after ita closed the guess room door. Sat at the bed end crying. All the hard work i put in for a bday party for MYSELF..with bday cake i bought for MYSELF..dressing up the way i did to please ma parents..throwing a bday party which i didnt even want in the first place. And i cant even get ppl to appreciate any of it..and sing me a pathetic bday song properly.

U know..when i stood in front of the cake..i felt like everything was moving so slowly..all i can hear are mumbles of words..everyone just bz with their ownself. and there i was standing in front of ma cake..with candles that melted it ways down onto the cake... waiting for a sign of appreciation.

I looked down at the cake.. "Happy 22nd PRINCESS Aina". A princess I wasn't.
Aina Nadzir
For the guys out there who thinks that everything doesnt matter...even when u screw up sthing n u know someone will b there to clean up ur mess..do watch The Breakup to give u that lil knock on ur head.

I dont understand y guys especially...do not learn anything from what ever that are happening around them or what they watch. Some r worst..they dont even learn anything from what happened to em in the past. How dumb is that?? For crying out loud..life is not perfect..but there r so many ways n signs out there to make it a better place to live. Learn from what u c and what u hear.

Btw, when ur gf is nice to u..do not take forgranted of her. instead pls show some respect and appreciation. learn to wanna do sthing for her too..rather than expecting her to do everything for u. and when u r at fault..do not wait till the next day to say sorry. how expensive is it to say it? u know u r at fault..say it n mean it! put aside ur ego cos its just gonna destroy u in the end.
Aina Nadzir
It has been a month also..(or more?) since i left MMU. damn...i miss that place so much!!! waaaaaaaaaaaa! :(

Anyways..yup..i tanam anggur..n eat the anggur maself. hehehahahahaha! im in between 1 and 2. to go on being 1..or to risk everything and try adapting to 2. blerrghh! im the type who plans everything ahead. I just never thought ill be experiencing this problem now. Well, bak kata orang.."kita hanya boleh merancang, tp Tuhan tentukan segalanya". Yup...facing that now.